The British Solution

[Leanne]

Maggoty Maggie and Peter O’Pus
sat side by side on the Whitechapel bus,
giving off stenches that wafted about
knocking out chavs with a terrible clout.

No need for London’s high terror alert,
suicide bombers are known to convert --
just with one whiff they are truly outclassed
(too much inhaling and they are outpassed).

Somewhere near Ilford the scratching began,
blisters and buboes like none known to man
festered beneath all their layers of grime,
sometimes exploding in fluorescent slime.

Surely, you cry, the security should
ask them to leave – but you see, it’s all good,
Maggie and Pete are distracting the mob --
how can you plot when this pair’s on the job?

Each Friday night, when most louts hit the town,
this fearsome twosome do work for the crown;
just by their oozing and stinking in synch,
London is kept from back from anarchy’s brink.

[ChristopherSea]

Those two are the embodiment of the dirty bomb! Moreover, they seem to be carriers of bubonic plague from those lymph swellings and skin eruptions. Your meter is on, but the stench is off. Nice and stinky and hilarious Leanne! Oh, and gross too!!

[Todd]

It's nice to know that disgusting filth has been weaponized. Fun read Leanne.

Favorite part:

Somewhere near Ilford the scratching began,
blisters and buboes like none known to man
festered beneath all their layers of grime,
sometimes exploding in fluorescent slime.

---

And just for the record, buboes is inspired.

[billy]

i take umbrage at

No need for London’s high terror alert,

there's was no bigger terror than old maggie

[ChristopherSea]

No one misses Mags or Pete?

[abu nuwas]

Security? Whitechapel? Has not changed much since the days of the Ripper, sad to say. Fairly accurate picture, humour be blowed.... Did feel a bit personal, though, don't know why......

[Truerenigma]

Not your best work

[milo]

Another poem about sex and hamsters.

[Leanne]

Not your best work

Bloody hell, I should hope not!

Cheers, all you stench sympathisers.

---

i take umbrage at

No need for London’s high terror alert,

there's was no bigger terror than old maggie

I didn't even make the Maggie connection -- this was written for two very good friends of mine, both of whom lived (and stank) in London. Maggie has since passed on, and Peter is Irish, so presumably the oozing continues.

[billy]

we're good at oozing

[Leanne]

And just for the record, buboes is inspired.

For some reason I seem to use buboes a lot in poems... the word is beautifully alliterative

---

Edward the rank, rather itchy and scabby,
sat near some big Aussie bloke from Toongabbie --
"Oi mate," said Ed as he scratched at his rashes,
"how do you feel about losing the Ashes?"
"Dunno," said Bazza (cos that was his name),
"Don't really follow that poncy boys' game --
when was the last time that you had a shower?"
Edward, offended, gave Bazza a glower:
"Shower? You lout! What a load of old rot!
I bathe each year, if I need it or not!"