Quicksand

[jdguyb]

I have accepted the darkness into my soul
I accept that I am a dark man
Darker than you
Will there ever be light in my life?

The light scares me
It empowers my sword weakly
I must remain in the darkness
My friend, the darkness

What kind of darkness?
Do I dare tell the secret?
It's hard to say
For it is utmost evil

Quicksand
That's the dark source
Girls in it
Do you judge me?

Masturbation
To the darkness
Sustains my true aura
My true self

I have shared with you my secret
Do not judge me
For I am just a man
A Dark man

[Malu]

I have accepted the darkness into my soul
I accept that I am a dark man
Darker than you Prove it
Will there ever be light in my life? Light opposite of dark, nothing new here, what kind of light?
This stanza had "darkness" "dark" and "darker" I think you could use more vocabulary

The light scares me How and why?
It empowers my sword weakly Would you like a blue pill? It might add some color to this.
I must remain in the darkness
My friend, the darkness These last two lines end with darkness...

What kind of darkness? I don't know, you only said it numerous times already
Do I dare tell the secret?
It's hard to say
For it is utmost evil Darkness=evil. That's a given.

Quicksand
That's the dark source And?
Girls in it
Do you judge me?

Masturbation
To the darkness
Sustains my true aura
My true self

I have shared with you my secret This is a statement, you already told us the secret, no need for reiteration
Do not judge me You asked if we judge you, and now you say not to judge you. Interesting.
For I am just a man
A Dark man I dont think you need to capitalize dark, it's easy to tell that this poem is centered around that

Interesting metaphor. You said darkness, dark, and darker a total of nine times, that's way too much. All that does is take away from the meaning.

[Viktor Vaughn]

I have accepted the darkness into my soul
I accept that I am a dark man Using accept twice, sounds repetitive
Darker than you Ok, that's a lot of times to say 'dark' in one stanza
Will there ever be light in my life? Not if you accept the darkness...With the given set up of the previous lines, the answer to this question is obvious, and seems counter intuitive to what the voice actually wants. If you accept darkness, and are a dark man, why would you want light?

The light scares me
It empowers my sword weakly What exactly is your sword? Is it a euphemism, or literal?
I must remain in the darkness
My friend, the darkness Darkness combo strikes again! Using other words can help you to create a deeper image of what you are trying to convey. 'Darkness' is only one hue, but when coupled with other adjectives, you can create a multi-coloured masterpiece (I actually like what I just said, and might use it in a poem...)

What kind of darkness? Please, tell me!
Do I dare tell the secret?
It's hard to say
For it is utmost evil

Quicksand
That's the dark source
Girls in it I don't understand this line
Do you judge me?

Masturbation
To the darkness
Sustains my true aura
My true self Redundant, as you've already said 'true aura'

I have shared with you my secret
Do not judge me
For I am just a man
A Dark man

[tectak]

I have accepted the darkness into my soul
I accept that I am a dark man
Darker than you
Will there ever be light in my life?

The light scares me
It empowers my sword weakly
I must remain in the darkness
My friend, the darkness

What kind of darkness?
Do I dare tell the secret?
It's hard to say
For it is utmost evil

Quicksand
That's the dark source
Girls in it
Do you judge me?

Masturbation
To the darkness
Sustains my true aura
My true self

I have shared with you my secret
Do not judge me
For I am just a man
A Dark man

Assuming you are writing in the role of a character, and we must always make that assumption, then your character says very little in a whole lot of words.
To precis this:
I am screwed by life
and have given up.
I will live in the dark
and I need a fuck.
Leave me alone
in the endless night;
don't dare to judge me.
Just put out light.

If you take these lines and make a verse out of each you will still write a cliched old chestnut BUT as a disciplined method of producing embryonic poetry it might help. Alternatively, you can listen to whatever eulogistical praise comes your way and live happily ever after. Your call.
Very best,
keep at it,
tectak