Suicide Number 10,214,213,134

[tectak]

Too late
I have
partaken
of
Amanita
phalloi
...des.
I told you
I was..

The End

First in a series of innovative poems from the dark side...or perhaps, the last.

It's only poetry, folks.

[Malu]

Too late I have partaken of Amanita phalloi...des. I told you I was..The End

First in a series of innovative poems from the dark side...or perhaps, the last. This last part just seemed like a joke (as in the attempt and effort, obviously not the subject matter). First or last, because my poems are dark and about suicide, that'll leave them wanting more. Not really.

It's only poetry, folks. There you go!

All I did was take what you wrote and delete the returns. Looks like just one, barely/hardly two sentence(s) that would sound normal with better grammar. "Too late, I have partaken of Amanita phalloides, I told you I was. The end." Not sure why you drew out the word phalloides, maybe that was supposed to be some hesitation, the final thought before it's all over. I guess they call it death cap for a reason.

[tectak]

Too late I have partaken of Amanita phalloi...des. I told you I was..The End

First in a series of innovative poems from the dark side...or perhaps, the last. This last part just seemed like a joke (as in the attempt and effort, obviously not the subject matter). First or last, because my poems are dark and about suicide, that'll leave them wanting more. Not really.

It's only poetry, folks. There you go!

All I did was take what you wrote and delete the returns. Looks like just one, barely/hardly two sentence(s) that would sound normal with better grammar. "Too late, I have partaken of Amanita phalloides, I told you I was. The end." Not sure why you drew out the word phalloides, maybe that was supposed to be some hesitation, the final thought before it's all over. I guess they call it death cap for a reason.

Hi malu.
Perceptive. In the next one I'm thinking about cutting my wrists with the lid of a Sardine can...it will have deep, dark undertones cented around the metaphor of dead fish all looking the same once oiled, boiled and laid in their tin tomb. I reckon I could get a couple of sentences out of the concept...but I may stop at one, you know, to keep my pensive readers wanting more
Best,
tectak

(Moved to fun on own cognisance to avoid cries of petulant cynicism from those who have failed to commit suicide but are still writing about it)

[tectak]

Edit 1 malu
Too late, I have
partaken of
Amanita
phalloides.
My kidneys now
have turned to mush,
my piss a reddened
fatal gush.
I wish that I
had taken time
to work out
what would
make a rhyme
with phalloides.
I told you
I was..

The End

Original....hardly.
Too late
I have
partaken
of
Amanita
phalloi
...des.
I told you
I was..

The End

First in a series of innovative poems from the dark side...or perhaps, the last.

It's only poetry, folks.

[ChristopherSea]

I feel that some of your lines are too long and your rhymes are forced, lol!!! Very sardonic, poking fun at the free verse suicide rash this October brings. Nonetheless, you should have had almost a week to find a rhyme for phalloides, as you picked an awfully slow acting poison in alpha-amanitin.

PS: ‘Avoid this’ is probably a better rhyme than ‘I was’.

By the way, this could have been a better round 'trip’ had you eaten Amanita muscaria and sought out the proper Shaman!

[tectak]

I feel that some of your lines are too long and your rhymes are forced, lol!!! Very sardonic, poking fun at the free verse suicide rash this October brings. Nonetheless, you should have had almost a week to find a rhyme for phalloides, as you picked an awfully slow acting poison in alpha-amanitin.

PS: ‘Avoid this’ is probably a better rhyme than ‘I was’.

By the way, this could have been a better round 'trip’ had you eaten Amanita muscaria and sought out the proper Shaman!

I'm never without A. muscaria!
Best,
Tom

[Erthona]

Tom,

As this is an imitative and derivative satire (not that the satire is imitative and derivative), I assume it is suppose to be bad, so there is no point in pointing out how to improve this, as that would be self-defeating. As there is little I can contribute to making it worse, that is not-worse, there is little to say. Generally speaking satire is somewhat subtle, and there is little subtle about this as its objective is not to get below bias, but to deride, so in this sense it is not a satire. I think a better characterization would be supercilious. I think this because 1. It seems to fit, and 2. I rarely get to use the word. Thus, the question: "can we improve on the superciliousness of said "poem"? As supercilious means "haughtily disdainful or contemptuous", it is difficult to see where improvement might occur as the "poem" seems to embody all three attributes. Thus to say this is a perfectly woeful poem is to not only allude to the type of poem this seeks to scorn, but to also pay such a terrible piece a high/low complement. One last note, although the air smells similar, the total stench of self absorption seems somewhat undernourished, but as it is duly brief, such malnutrition my simply be endemic in the nature of the dish.

Dale

Addendum: Just a quick query. Does this particular fleshy fungi give one a trip, before it gives one a trip? Just wondered, as you know there are any number of people who will do anything for a bit of fun.

[tectak]

Tom,

As this is an imitative and derivative satire (not that the satire is imitative and derivative), I assume it is suppose to be bad, so there is no point in pointing out how to improve this, as that would be self-defeating. As there is little I can contribute to making it worse, that is not-worse, there is little to say. Generally speaking satire is somewhat subtle, and there is little subtle about this as its objective is not to get below bias, but to deride, so in this sense it is not a satire. I think a better characterization would be supercilious. I think this because 1. It seems to fit, and 2. I rarely get to use the word. Thus, the question: "can we improve on the superciliousness of said "poem"? As supercilious means "haughtily disdainful or contemptuous", it is difficult to see where improvement might occur as the "poem" seems to embody all three attributes. Thus to say this is a perfectly woeful poem is to not only allude to the type of poem this seeks to scorn, but to also pay such a terrible piece a high/low complement. One last note, although the air smells similar, the total stench of self absorption seems somewhat undernourished, but as it is duly brief, such malnutrition my simply be endemic in the nature of the dish.

Dale

Hi Dale,
I rarely get a chance to say this...but I completely agree with everything you said, and even with some of the things you didn't say but alluded to alluding to.
Oh it does feel good...so good I named it twice. The edit is far more supercilious...in fact the superciliousness is awesome...I didn't think it possible.See Suicide Number 10,214,213,135. There's one dies every minute
Best,
tectak

[Erthona]

"I rarely get a chance to say this...but I completely agree with everything you said"

Yes, I know Tom. You would like to do so more often but your shame keeps you from it...baby steps!
-------------------------------------------------------------
"There's one dies every minute"

Won dies, every time you wok your dog. Man that's ruff!

Dale

[tectak]

Tom,

As this is an imitative and derivative satire (not that the satire is imitative and derivative), I assume it is suppose to be bad, so there is no point in pointing out how to improve this, as that would be self-defeating. As there is little I can contribute to making it worse, that is not-worse, there is little to say. Generally speaking satire is somewhat subtle, and there is little subtle about this as its objective is not to get below bias, but to deride, so in this sense it is not a satire. I think a better characterization would be supercilious. I think this because 1. It seems to fit, and 2. I rarely get to use the word. Thus, the question: "can we improve on the superciliousness of said "poem"? As supercilious means "haughtily disdainful or contemptuous", it is difficult to see where improvement might occur as the "poem" seems to embody all three attributes. Thus to say this is a perfectly woeful poem is to not only allude to the type of poem this seeks to scorn, but to also pay such a terrible piece a high/low complement. One last note, although the air smells similar, the total stench of self absorption seems somewhat undernourished, but as it is duly brief, such malnutrition my simply be endemic in the nature of the dish.

Dale

Addendum: Just a quick query. Does this particular fleshy fungi give one a trip, before it gives one a trip? Just wondered, as you know there are any number of people who will do anything for a bit of fun.

No. It is a particularly nasty way to go. Worse than a Greyhound Bus ever was.
tectak

[billy]

Too late I have partaken of Amanita phalloi...des. I told you I was..The End

First in a series of innovative poems from the dark side...or perhaps, the last. This last part just seemed like a joke (as in the attempt and effort, obviously not the subject matter). First or last, because my poems are dark and about suicide, that'll leave them wanting more. Not really.

It's only poetry, folks. There you go!

All I did was take what you wrote and delete the returns. Looks like just one, barely/hardly two sentence(s) that would sound normal with better grammar. "Too late, I have partaken of Amanita phalloides, I told you I was. The end." Not sure why you drew out the word phalloides, maybe that was supposed to be some hesitation, the final thought before it's all over. I guess they call it death cap for a reason.

Hi malu.
Perceptive. In the next one I'm thinking about cutting my wrists with the lid of a Sardine can...it will have deep, dark undertones cented around the metaphor of dead fish all looking the same once oiled, boiled and laid in their tin tomb. I reckon I could get a couple of sentences out of the concept...but I may stop at one, you know, to keep my pensive readers wanting more
Best,
tectak

(Moved to fun on own cognisance to avoid cries of petulant cynicism from those who have failed to commit suicide but are still writing about it)

---

Too late
I have
partaken
of
Amanita
phalloi
...des.
I told you
I was..

The End

First in a series of innovative poems from the dark side...or perhaps, the last.

It's only poetry, folks.

the death of the mushroom has shook me up pretty badly, i need to lay down

[Malu]

the death of the mushroom has shook me up pretty badly, i need to lay down
[/quote]

me too, this stuff is so heavy