Drones

[adam.behrendt]

Trapped in my own stream of consciousness,
Wishing for a way out.
For a way to view the faces I see every day,
As people.
Not mindless herds of sheep,
But as equals.

[SimikPK]

Hardly any imagery here. You tell instead of showing. The only image is the one with the herd and that one is a huge cliché. To me, this does not even look like a poem (If you rewrote it like a prose it would make hardly any difference).
Try using more images. The "stream of consciousness" could be worth examining.

[adam.behrendt]

Thank you so much! I'll scrap it and try again

[Todd]

Maybe start with the sheep, and see where it takes you. Develop the imagery.

Just a thought

[Versify]

what is it about the people you see as sheep. is it monotonous routines, complacency, was this inspired by work or school, or simply by going to the grocery store? Likewise what seperates you from them? I can kind of see where you're gonig with this but its almost too short, with little information and hardly any feel. I like the idea and its a good rough draft but there is room to expand on the idea

[SimikPK]

Yeah, the idea that you actually do not want to see them as inferior even though you do (very often my experience in a sense) is a good jumping pad

[tigrflye]

Don't scrap it... develop it. It's a sound idea.
Try decribing the sheep-people. What about them reminds you of sheep?
Good luck. I look forward to a revision.