Posts: 104
Threads: 14
Joined: Sep 2013
15 to start
A collision
Scatters around aimlessly?
Two down, one sound, one streak
Decisions, decisions
Eyes locked on a green blaze
I pounce
With unerring execution
Now stuck behind
The fatal infinity
The indirect approach seems best
Catching the unsuspecting
Scarlet with my serpentine
4 more bands
Then I can
Dance with the raven
A ray of sun catches my eye
I stare at it
Contemplating
A blind shot has been taken
The sun and jupiter spiral
How fitting that only the sun remains
No longer in my interest
I alter my attention
Focused on the cascade
As it falls
There stands
A well-rooted violet
No matter
For it has been trampled
All that is between
Me and the raven
Is that pesky sun
There are no allies left
To make the sacrifice
This time
The light is quickly swallowed
Into a black hole
Nothing left but just you and me, raven
No more avoiding
No more hiding
No more running away
We both knew this moment was upon us
I hope you're ready
Because I'm sending you home now
Back to the shadows
Where you should have never crawled out from
I never highlight my flaws or deficits
Because none of that will matter when death visits
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(10-10-2013, 07:29 AM)Malu Wrote: 15 to start
A collision
Scatters around aimlessly?
2 down, one sound, one streak
Decisions, decisions
Eyes locked on a green blaze baize?
I pounce
With unerring execution
Now stuck behind
The fatal infinity
The indirect approach seems best
Catching the unsuspecting
Scarlet with my serpentine
4 more bands
Then I can
Dance with the raven
A ray of sun catches my eye
I stare at it
Contemplating
A blind shot has been taken
The sun and jupiter spiral
How fitting that only the sun remains
No longer in my interest
I alter my attention
Focused on the cascade focussed
As it falls
There stands
A well-rooted violet
No matter
For it has been trampled
All that is between
Me and the raven
Is that pesky sun
There's no allies left there are
To make the sacrifice
This time
The light is quickly swallowed
Into a black hole
Nothing left but just you and me, raven
No more avoiding
No more hiding
No more running away
We both knew this moment was upon us
I hope you're ready
Because I'm sending you home now
Back to the shadows
Where you should have never crawled out from Yoda speaking Swedish.
Hi malu,
This is obviously a nonsense poem of the highest calibre and is to be commended. I see this as a completely transfixing dissertation on the metaphorical pool table...and the associated game-play. I am impressed by the almost imperceptible shift from bar-pool to the darker side of human deviation. Stunning.
Look, if It wasn't for the complete lack of punctuation, rhythm, rhyme, meter, syntactical competance and ability to check spelling it would be perfect. Please, don't take me seriously and I will reciprocate.
Best,
tectak
Posts: 104
Threads: 14
Joined: Sep 2013
(10-11-2013, 04:55 AM)tectak Wrote: (10-10-2013, 07:29 AM)Malu Wrote: 15 to start
A collision
Scatters around aimlessly?
2 down, one sound, one streak
Decisions, decisions
Eyes locked on a green blaze baize? Second definition of blaze, look it up " a white spot or stripe on the face of a mammal or bird." but obviously, given the context of this poem the second part of that isn't relative. So since this poem is about pool, I am clearly going for "stripes" if you couldn't tell from other clues.
I pounce
With unerring execution
Now stuck behind
The fatal infinity
The indirect approach seems best
Catching the unsuspecting
Scarlet with my serpentine
4 more bands Clue to suggest I am stripes
Then I can
Dance with the raven
A ray of sun catches my eye Clue to suggest I am stripes
I stare at it
Contemplating
A blind shot has been taken
The sun and jupiter spiral
How fitting that only the sun remains
No longer in my interest
I alter my attention
Focused on the cascade focussed "focused (also focussed)" that's right out of the dictionary my friend
As it falls
There stands
A well-rooted violet The cascade and violet are supposed to symbolize the blue and purple stripe balls, not the best examples of things with stripes, but given the above portion of the poem, I think that me going for stripes is apparent.
No matter
For it has been trampled
All that is between
Me and the raven
Is that pesky sun
There's no allies left there are Helpful catch, thanks
To make the sacrifice
This time
The light is quickly swallowed
Into a black hole
Nothing left but just you and me, raven
No more avoiding
No more hiding
No more running away
We both knew this moment was upon us
I hope you're ready
Because I'm sending you home now
Back to the shadows
Where you should have never crawled out from Yoda speaking Swedish. I'm not even sure what you mean by this, I could of sworn this was at least in English 
Hi malu,
This is obviously a nonsense poem of the highest calibre and is to be commended. I see this as a completely transfixing dissertation on the metaphorical pool table...and the associated game-play. I am impressed by the almost imperceptible shift from bar-pool to the darker side of human deviation. Stunning.
Look, if It wasn't for the complete lack of punctuation, rhythm, rhyme, meter, syntactical competance and ability to check spelling it would be perfect. Please, don't take me seriously and I will reciprocate.
Best,
tectak
Don't worry, I won't
I should of kept this nonsense in the for fun forum, but this helpful critique is exactly what I wanted!
I never highlight my flaws or deficits
Because none of that will matter when death visits
Posts: 27
Threads: 5
Joined: Oct 2013
honestly i find it clever, I like the metaphor, it feels open for interpretation like the pool game can be whatever you want it to be if the situation fits. I do so enjoy the ability to make things sound serious and fun all AT THE SAME TIME. I dig it.
Posts: 104
Threads: 14
Joined: Sep 2013
(10-11-2013, 05:41 AM)RyanRader13 Wrote: honestly i find it clever, I like the metaphor, it feels open for interpretation like the pool game can be whatever you want it to be if the situation fits. I do so enjoy the ability to make things sound serious and fun all AT THE SAME TIME. I dig it.
Thanks man, I appreciate the feedback. Fun and serious at the same time is pretty much how I play any game haha
I never highlight my flaws or deficits
Because none of that will matter when death visits
Posts: 27
Threads: 5
Joined: Oct 2013
I find the best way to write alot of things is what I call "Rape with a punchline" being able to come down and laugh no matter how serious is sometimes the hardest thing to do but the most rewarding
Posts: 104
Threads: 14
Joined: Sep 2013
(10-11-2013, 05:48 AM)RyanRader13 Wrote: I find the best way to write alot of things is what I call "Rape with a punchline" being able to come down and laugh no matter how serious is sometimes the hardest thing to do but the most rewarding
Don't worry I can laugh at serious things fairly easily. It can be rewarding and still possess that positive intent we all try to have for each other here.
I never highlight my flaws or deficits
Because none of that will matter when death visits
