Jilted John Edit 1

[Keith]

Rough waves on a trawling trip,
lines hooked on my top lip;
tuna swam in her fishnets.
Blue notes on her clarinet,
sounds better when the wood is wet;
controlled by a two handed grip.

She lost it on a too tight fit,
the fracture in our legs still split;
I'm tattooed on her skin graft.
Rocks scrapped the landing craft,
flopped floating on a lifeless raft;
never to be tried again.

Quick dressed said Mister Benn,
she asked me to count to ten;
left my rubber on the tar mac.

Original
Rough waves on a trawling trip,
she was hooked on my top lip;
caught tuna in her fishnets.

Blue notes on her clarinet,
sounded better when it was wet;
reed flared by my woodwind.

Eyes like her peaks were twinned,
the metal in my leg was pinned;
tattooed on her skin graft.

Rocks slapped at the landing craft,
flopped floating on a lifeless raft;
tickled pink by my sea pen.

Quick dressed like Mister Benn,
she asked me to count to ten;
burnt rubber on the tar mac.

[Leanne]

Ooh-aah, that's rude!

I like what's going on with the rhymes -- I'd love to see the meter fixed up a little bit but that's a minor problem since it's all for fun. Nice to see Mr Benn making an appearance, if only in a simile

[Savanna]

haha...cute..I love it..

[Keith]

Ooh-aah, that's rude!

I like what's going on with the rhymes -- I'd love to see the meter fixed up a little bit but that's a minor problem since it's all for fun. Nice to see Mr Benn making an appearance, if only in a simile

Thanks Leanne, not sure how Mr Benn got in there I have had a small tweak with the meter. Best Keith

---

haha...cute..I love it..

Thanks Savanna glad you liked it. Bets TOMH

[ChristopherSea]

Shiver me peg-leg, ye dirty old salt! More fun than a barrel of monkeys, less fun than a wench over a barrel of rum. Thanks/TOMH

[Keith]

Shiver me peg-leg, ye dirty old salt! More fun than a barrel of monkeys, less fun than a wench over a barrel of rum. Thanks/TOMH

Thanks for looking in ChristopherSea and the fun comments, I have had another go at smoothing this one, the main problem is when I read it, I sing it.

Up town top ranking.....style

[tectak]

Rough waves on a trawling trip,
she was hooked on my top lip;
caught tuna in her fishnets.

Blue notes on her clarinet,
sounded better when it was wet;
reed flared by my woodwind.

Eyes like her peaks were twinned,
the metal in my leg was pinned;
tattooed on her skin graft.

Rocks slapped at the landing craft,
flopped floating on a lifeless raft;
tickled pink by my sea pen.

Quick dressed like Mister Benn,
she asked me to count to ten;
burnt rubber on the tar mac.

Rollicking and great fun...it's an awk'ard sea, though Tomh...the meter tosses her off course a bit, but easy to correct.
Best,
tectak

[Keith]

Rough waves on a trawling trip,
she was hooked on my top lip;
caught tuna in her fishnets.

Blue notes on her clarinet,
sounded better when it was wet;
reed flared by my woodwind.

Eyes like her peaks were twinned,
the metal in my leg was pinned;
tattooed on her skin graft.

Rocks slapped at the landing craft,
flopped floating on a lifeless raft;
tickled pink by my sea pen.

Quick dressed like Mister Benn,
she asked me to count to ten;
burnt rubber on the tar mac.

Rollicking and great fun...it's an awk'ard sea, though Tomh...the meter tosses her off course a bit, but easy to correct.
Best,
tectak

Sorry tectak I missed this one, didn't mean to be rude. Yes the meter was bouncy and still needs work but I did have a go. cheers TOMH