Memory

[mortal]

Reflection on the water,
stares back at me,
there's question in those eyes,
where is our love, where are WE.

Then memory comes so quietly,
of a past; a picture of me and her,
standing together, holding gently,
a moment so fade and far.

It's like it was just a dream,
but my heart hurts so much,
reminding me it all was real,
and body; missing your touch.

Raindrops start to fall,
reflection is there no more,
my head is empty, memories gone,
just me standing, alone on shore.

[ellajam]

Hi, Mortal, welcome. There's a lot here people can relate to, here are a few notes.

Reflection on the water, why the comma?
stares back at me,
there's question in those eyes,
where is our love, where are WE.

Then memory comes so quietly,
of a past; a picture of me and her, bit of a cliche, just draw the picture for us
standing together, holding gently,
a moment so fade and far. did you mean faded? but I love the sound of "fade and far"

It's like it was just a dream,
but my heart hurts so much,an image that would make me feel it would be better than telling me
reminding me it all was real,
and body; missing your touch. missing something here?

Raindrops start to fall,
reflection is there no more,
my head is empty, memories gone,
just me standing, alone on shore. alone on the shore is pretty cliche

I think you could work with this, but I am a novice critic so feel free to ignore my notes.

Looking forward to more from you.

[mortal]

Tnx for comments, I tried to work with them.

Reflection on the water, why the comma? - well I guess habit?
stares back at me,
there's question in those eyes,
where is our love, where are WE.

Then memory comes so quietly,
of a past; a picture of me and her, bit of a cliche, just draw the picture for us .. nothing comes to mind...
standing together, holding gently,
a moment so fade and far. did you mean faded? but I love the sound of "fade and far" - here is intentionally fade and far - to me also sounds nice

It's like it was just a dream,
but my heart hurts so much,an image that would make me feel it would be better than telling me - perhaps -> but it hurts to much,
reminding me it all was real,
and body; missing your touch. missing something here? - here I thought of not only broken heart missing love but also body missing touch, probably better if I change it to skin, instead of body

Raindrops start to fall,
reflection is there no more,
my head is empty, memories gone,
just me standing, alone on shore. alone on the shore is pretty cliche
[/quote] (I like to use cliche sometimes and it fits somehow)

[Dreamer]

I agree, It sounded a little cliche, and you used a little too much punctuation and that sort of threw the lines off a little as you're reading it. But it's a nice poem. Keep it up!

[Highever]

Reflection on the water,
stares back at me,
there's question in those eyes,
where is our love, where are WE.

Then memory comes so quietly,
of a past; a picture of me and her,
standing together, holding gently,
a moment so fade and far.

It's like it was just a dream,
but my heart hurts so much,
reminding me it all was real,
and body; missing your touch.

Raindrops start to fall,
reflection is there no more,
my head is empty, memories gone,
just me standing, alone on shore.

This is my absolute first post here, so my critic skills may be unreliable. I must say I am rather partial to your formatting, but the on and off again rhymes were a slight annoyance given that I am new and think rhyming is the only thing that matters... You were able to conjure some nice images and I love how the meaning all comes together at the end, just as it should.