Money Owed

[FSF29]

I found money on the street
Ten dollars' luck before my feet!
One dollar owed to greedy Pete,
for lending me a chocolate treat.
I meant to give it back, I swear,
but candy is my life's despair.
One buck owed Pete, nine bucks for me!
Nine dollars left from Wolworth Street
Nine dollars left, Oh, geez, Oh, Pete
What can I buy? What's left to eat?

I'm sorry, I almost let go
the buck I owe to greedy Joe.
He said that he knew tae-kwan-do,
that I would die if I forgo
giving back the borrowed dough
I used to buy my chips, although
He knew that I was good for it.
He knew that I'd for sure see fit
That he would quickly get his dough.
One buck to him, and so it goes,
Eight left for me, to hell with Joe!


Eight dollars left for me to spend!
I'm sure you'd try to recommend
I should next pay back my dear old friend
Sue, who'd foolishly misspent
Her hard-earned cash for me to eat
A yummy, salty, sugar treat.
But Joe she knows so very well.
His kicks I'm sure would hurt like hell!

Seven left to spend at will!
Never mind my brother Bill.
I owe him money, that's for sure.
He says I'm sick, and there's no cure.
My diagnosis is unsure,
But pain and suffering I'll endure
If I don't repay what is his due.
The interest will for sure accrue.
I hope that Joe and Pete and Sue
Will understand what I go through.

[cidermaid]

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[Malu]

I found money on the street
Ten dollars' luck before my feet!
One dollar owed to greedy Pete,
for lending me a chocolate treat.
I meant to give it back, I swear,
but candy is my life's despair.
One buck owed Pete, nine bucks for me!
Nine dollars left from Wolworth Street
Nine dollars left, Oh, geez, Oh, Pete
What can I buy? What's left to eat?

I'm sorry, I almost let go
the buck I owe to greedy Joe.
He said that he knew tae-kwan-do,
that I would die if I forgo
giving back the borrowed dough
I used to buy my chips, although
He knew that I was good for it.
He knew that I'd for sure see fit
That he would quickly get his dough.
One buck to him, and so it goes,
Eight left for me, to hell with Joe!


Eight dollars left for me to spend!
I'm sure you'd try to recommend
I should next pay back my dear old friend
Sue, who'd foolishly misspent
Her hard-earned cash for me to eat
A yummy, salty, sugar treat.
But Joe she knows so very well.
His kicks I'm sure would hurt like hell!

Seven left to spend at will!
Never mind my brother Bill.
I owe him money, that's for sure.
He says I'm sick, and there's no cure.
My diagnosis is unsure,
But pain and suffering I'll endure
If I don't repay what is his due.
The interest will for sure accrue.
I hope that Joe and Pete and Sue
Will understand what I go through.

Good rhyming and story telling, I could only imagine if you went all the way to one dollar left haha. My critique would be to incorporate more visuals to really accentuate where it's this story is going. Good work, and hope this helps!