Walking

[ThreeHands]

In the soft light of the mid day hour,
light saved towers under the joyful sun
three hands reach out for a dead messiah
the messiah of the dying plum.
Fingers stretch and fingers twirl,
nails are dirty under but white as pearls
in three days hunger chases throats
in one day all the pain leaves on a boat.
The sea is endless,full of stones
full of nakedness and bones
yards of meat,youthfull flesh
pink coloured eyes, and summoned cash,
summoned in the dark and summoned by the loner
looking for some smoke,old smokey stoner
his timeless palms,and opened lips,
only time can calm his kiss .
But the light is ruthless,but the light is mean
nothing could be saved by the summoned sin
nothing could be joyfull under three dark suns,
and three hands in sorrow curse the plum.
And three hands in sorrow curse the plum.!
The messiah smiles,the messiah rules,
his eyes are coloured by the moon,
because it's dark,and from afar
the only thing that keeps minds cool,
is a grey,unfriendly star.

[ellajam]

I'm a novice critic but here goes. I enjoyed the read but admit to some confusion. Here are some notes.

In the soft light of the mid day hour,
light saved towers under the joyful sun
three hands reach out for a dead messiah
the messiah of the dying plum.
Fingers stretch and fingers twirl,
nails are dirty under but white as pearls something feels off with with the but
in three days hunger chases throats
in one day all the pain leaves on a boat.
The sea is endless,full of stones
full of nakedness and bones
yards of meat,youthfull flesh
pink coloured eyes, and summoned cash,
summoned in the dark and summoned by the loner
looking for some smoke,old smokey stoner I don't know that you need the first half here
his timeless palms,and opened lips,
only time can calm his kiss .
But the light is ruthless,but the light is mean I'd lose the second but
nothing could be saved by the summoned sin
nothing could be joyfull under three dark suns,
and three hands in sorrow curse the plum.
And three hands in sorrow curse the plum.!
The messiah smiles,the messiah rules,
his eyes are coloured by the moon,
because it's dark,and from afar
the only thing that keeps minds cool,
is a grey,unfriendly star.

You need to edit throughout and add spaces after commas

[ThreeHands]

I'm a novice critic but here goes. I enjoyed the read but admit to some confusion. Here are some notes.

In the soft light of the mid day hour,
light saved towers under the joyful sun
three hands reach out for a dead messiah
the messiah of the dying plum.
Fingers stretch and fingers twirl,
nails are dirty under but white as pearls something feels off with with the but
in three days hunger chases throats
in one day all the pain leaves on a boat.
The sea is endless,full of stones
full of nakedness and bones
yards of meat,youthfull flesh
pink coloured eyes, and summoned cash,
summoned in the dark and summoned by the loner
looking for some smoke,old smokey stoner I don't know that you need the first half here
his timeless palms,and opened lips,
only time can calm his kiss .
But the light is ruthless,but the light is mean I'd lose the second but
nothing could be saved by the summoned sin
nothing could be joyfull under three dark suns,
and three hands in sorrow curse the plum.
And three hands in sorrow curse the plum.!
The messiah smiles,the messiah rules,
his eyes are coloured by the moon,
because it's dark,and from afar
the only thing that keeps minds cool,
is a grey,unfriendly star.

You need to edit throughout and add spaces after commas

Thank you ~