semi-automatic potato

[leftover sushi]

my country tis of thee.
when?

the human head weighs eight pounds.
and then?

do i make any sense?
no.

why did we break up?
ho.

am i a potato?
yes, semi-automatic.

why say that?
what would you say if i hadn't?

[rowens]

This doesn't have much effect. The line about breaking up has less effect than the rest of it.

[betalife]

You may benefit from changing the title. Try something that isn't actually in the poem that will tie all of these lines together so we know what you're trying to get at.

[PoetryAndPhysics]

Perhaps make "my country tis of thee" a theme, refering now and then to patriotic things? I agree with rowens that the breaking up line is actually the weakest; maybe don't say it directly, but hint at it. For what it's worth, I do like the semi-automatic potato lines (though I don't have that oven setting ).

[ScurryFunger]

my country tis of thee.
when?

the human head weighs eight pounds.
and then?

do i make any sense?
no.

why did we break up?
ho.

am i a potato?
yes, semi-automatic.

why say that?
what would you say if i hadn't?

I'm sure this has some deep meaning that no one else will 'get' apart from you, spud guns are always fun.

I think the bitterness of 'ho' is apparent, I find it's best just to smell a bit lemony instead. (Although some would argue that all women are 'ho's').

I didn't understand the first lines, perhaps you could change it to something more universally understood.

Do I make any sense?
no

[ScurryFunger]

my country tis of thee.
when?

the human head weighs eight pounds.
and then?

do i make any sense?
no.

why did we break up?
ho.

am i a potato?
yes, semi-automatic.

why say that?
what would you say if i hadn't?

I'm sure this has some deep meaning that no one else will 'get' apart from you, spud guns are always fun.

I think the bitterness of 'ho' is apparent, I find it's best just to smell a bit lemony instead. (Although some would argue that all women are 'ho's').

I didn't understand the first lines, perhaps you could change it to something more universally understood.

Do I make any sense?
no