Rain

[expiring_touch]

Oh not to lose these pieces of
Night time fog spilled suddenly
Over the finite sky, backlit, I could
Almost reach out and touch it-
unfold across my palm
Your eye in reverse,
Consumed by its own
black crystal.

[spookyfoot]

Hi! I thought you had some really nice images, especially the backlit sky but i'm not sure the sky unfolding onto your palm is correct, did you mean the sky folded around your palm? Would love to see you add more! Best of luck!

[Malu]

Oh not to lose these pieces of
Night time fog spilled suddenly
Over the finite sky, backlit, I could
Almost reach out and touch it-
unfold across my palm
Your eye in reverse,
Consumed by its own
black crystal.

The imagery is nice, I'm slightly confused as to what your eye in reverse exactly means? Or should I say, what you are trying to get across with that.

[Spikerider]

Oh not to lose these pieces of
Night time fog spilled suddenly
Over the finite sky, backlit, I could
Almost reach out and touch it-
unfold across my palm
Your eye in reverse,
Consumed by its own
black crystal.

I like the wrap. I think "fingers would be better than "palm" but that's just my opinion & we all have one.

[bebaird]

Oh not to lose these pieces of
Night time fog spilled suddenly
Over the finite sky, backlit, I could
Almost reach out and touch it-
unfold across my palm
Your eye in reverse,
Consumed by its own
black crystal.

i liked the poem and the black crystal imagery, but you were inconsistent in the capitalization (Almost is capitalized, but not unfold?).

[Erthona]

Without correct punctuation, at least a period, it is difficult for me to make much of this. Mainly it reads as a run on sentence. Certainly there are those poems that try and share a subject between two sections, in this case "pieces of Night time fog", but generally they fail because they only create confusion. Such is the case here.

Dale

[Savanna]

I like the imagery, but found I lost connection through the flow...just a tad confused as to the connections.