Floating Toward the Light

[Snowbells]

(Hi; not sure this should be called free-verse?)

Floating Toward the Light

I rub the nub;
is that supposed to happen
in males? Soreness, aching
‘round the nipple

Let’s find out today
but shall I die of old age before the hospital
admission process ends?

Finally on the gurney--
Nurse asks:
any removable dentures? contacts?
rings?

Nope; I cut off the tight wedding band
just for you
(nurse’s pitying smile says nothing)

Anesthesiologist appears. Hi, I’m Dr. Brdsnuloharin . . . .
My unimpressed reply: Hello there, Dr. Sandman

Why are we here?

Havin’ my breast reduced

Wife rolls eyes:
no! removal of a possible malignant tumor

East-Indian lady surgeon bounces in—an hour late,
but great sense of humor
“I’m heeeeeere!”

I make her wait;
won’t be denied--

can’t spot urinal
but manage spotting sheets

Clattering wheels on worn floor;
uh-ooh

Loony song runs through mind,
“They’re coming to take me away”

From gurney to operating table--
handled like cadaver

never been heave-hoed so much

Bright lamp overhead.
I hear Poltergeist’s dwarf “Tangina” cry
“Don’t go into the light!”

Wonder where my soul will be in a minute--
probably sitting on the surgeons shoulder

I’m shirtless, bareback--
hovering, watching myself--
I drift over to coffee shop--
the nurses’ station--enjoying my time out of body--
floating heavenward—hey, not yet!

Awake;
attractive nurse leans over me

Feel disconnected,
can’t get excited about
her pendant--cleavage--
Eventually ponder pointlessness
of breasts on males--off-limit females.

[rowens]

This seems all right to me. I might not like it as much as I could. I don't know. It draws me in, but not far. Hopefully I'll remember to read it again later, since I plan on it. It has enough to make me want to try to remember.

[Snowbells]

Hi Rowens,
thanks for reading my hospital experience, one that I decided to ham up--a lot. The anesthesiologist's unpronounceable name is not an invention, neither is the surgeon who arrived late and gave me lot's of time to ponder the surroundings and contrive goofy thoughts.
Actually, this write has been on the chopping block for several years now, and I'm about to pronounce its fate, lol. Thanks again,
Jerry

[milo]

(Hi; not sure this should be called free-verse?)

Floating Toward the Light

I rub the nub;
is that supposed to happen
in males? Soreness, aching
‘round the nipple

Let’s find out today
but shall I die of old age before the hospital
admission process ends?

Finally on the gurney--
Nurse asks:
any removable dentures? contacts?
rings?

Nope; I cut off the tight wedding band
just for you
(nurse’s pitying smile says nothing)

Anesthesiologist appears. Hi, I’m Dr. Brdsnuloharin . . . .
My unimpressed reply: Hello there, Dr. Sandman

Why are we here?

Havin’ my breast reduced

Wife rolls eyes:
no! removal of a possible malignant tumor

East-Indian lady surgeon bounces in—an hour late,
but great sense of humor
“I’m heeeeeere!”

I make her wait;
won’t be denied--

can’t spot urinal
but manage spotting sheets

Clattering wheels on worn floor;
uh-ooh

Loony song runs through mind,
“They’re coming to take me away”

From gurney to operating table--
handled like cadaver

never been heave-hoed so much

Bright lamp overhead.
I hear Poltergeist’s dwarf “Tangina” cry
“Don’t go into the light!”

Wonder where my soul will be in a minute--
probably sitting on the surgeons shoulder

I’m shirtless, bareback--
hovering, watching myself--
I drift over to coffee shop--
the nurses’ station--enjoying my time out of body--
floating heavenward—hey, not yet!

Awake;
attractive nurse leans over me

Feel disconnected,
can’t get excited about
her pendant--cleavage--
Eventually ponder pointlessness
of breasts on males--off-limit females.

I like the overall story - it makes me smile which is instantly worth it. I am not sure how serious you are about it as it is in miscellaneous. From a craftsmanship standpoint there is quite a bit you could do to tighten it up or make it stronger (trim some wording, line breaks, strophe breaks, some word choice, etc)

Still, enjoyed overall.

[Snowbells]

Thanks, Milo;
I appreciate your suggestions. You may have saved this meant-to-be humorous write from the chopping block. One reason for all those line breaks might be that I tried to suggest hesitation due to the administered pre-anesthetics that had my mind take weird terms. Needless to say, I'm not happy with this write, but I'll play with it till I get it right. Thanks again. Jerry

[ellajam]

Thanks for posting this, I really enjoyed it. "heave-hoed" and don't go into the light, ha, so relatable. You've expressed what most of us experience at one time or another, to some degree.
The absurdity sparkles in this poem, it hooked me right in.