In the Pig’s Pen (iambic tetrameter)
#1
Out of a litter of twelve pigs,
young Hammy was the pretty one;
his skin was pink, so was the nose,
he oinked and squealed when looked upon.

With suckling pigs attached to her,
his mom lay on her bed of straw
and grunted sighs of great relief,
for absent was the mean papa.

He was at work in oak tree groves,
in search of priceless tasty truffle,
found in Gascogne, in Gallic land,
where dogs and pigs are used to snuffle

for fungi in rich forest soil;
a piece of bread is their reward.
His day’s work done, the boar went home
and took a mud bath in the yard,

then heard the strangest little squeals,
and there he saw those piglets feed,
attached to mamma’s swollen teats.
The sow forewarned papa--indeed--

she knows her piglets are at risk
when papa has an appetite
that does not leave immune his brood;
therefore, she grunts, which means: she’ll fight.

As time goes by, the boar calms down,
and he inspects the piglet's nose,
then sees potentials in its glow:
"That nose is tender as a rose!”

And now Dad thinks, when Ham grows up,
he’ll teach him all the tricks of trade;
when his time comes and he’s ham,
his son dig’s truffles of fine grade.

So, Hammy learned to sniff like dad
beneath the wide and tall oak trees,
and if he isn’t ham by now,
he wades in mud up to his knees.
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#2
There are a number lines where you go off meter, but I generally do not find them disruptive to the poem, and half feet are generally allowed if done well. Although not related to going off meter, two places did seem problematic.

The first is the rhyme of "one" and "upon". As you are actually trying to strengthen the sing song nature of iambic tetrameter, this near rhyme does not help in that endeavor, causing your opening stanza to be weak. In any other place one might could live with it, but not in your opening, which needs to be strong, as it sets the tone, and pattern for the rest of the poem.

The second problem, is the unnatural nature of the line,

"he’ll teach him all the tricks of trade"

One could not have a more obvious attempt to stay with the meterat the expense of the content, than altering a well know cliche such as "tricks of the trade".

Outside of these two things, I think this reads fairly well. A good choice of meter and rhyme pattern for the telling of a cute story.

Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#3
i'm not well up enough on meter to say anything more than i think there are a couple of places ( bolded out, mainly the 3rd verse) the rhymes aren't bad though you have a couple of half or near rhymes (can they be made into perfect rhymes?
in places it feels as though you add an and or unnecessary word in order to fit the meter.
i think it's cuteness carries it through well enough, and is very apt for out site Smile

an edit or two could turn it into a silk purse Big Grin
thanks for the read.

(09-06-2013, 07:49 AM)Snowbells Wrote:  Out of a litter of twelve pigs,
young Hammy was the pretty one;
his skin was pink, so was the nose,
he oinked and squealed when looked upon.

With suckling pigs attached to her,
his mom lay on her bed of straw
and grunted sighs of great relief,
for absent was the mean papa.

He was at work in oak tree groves,
in search of priceless tasty truffle,
found in Gascogne, in Gallic land,
where dogs and pigs are used to snuffle


for fungi in rich forest soil;
a piece of bread is their reward.
His day’s work done, the boar went home
and took a mud bath in the yard,

then heard the strangest little squeals,
and there he saw those piglets feed,
attached to mamma’s swollen teats.
The sow forewarned papa--indeed--

she knows her piglets are at risk
when papa has an appetite
that does not leave immune his brood;
therefore, she grunts, which means: she’ll fight.

As time goes by, the boar calms down,
and he inspects the piglet's nose,
then sees potentials in its glow:
"That nose is tender as a rose!”

And now Dad thinks, when Ham grows up,
he’ll teach him all the tricks of trade;
when his time comes and he’s ham, missing half a foot
his son dig’s truffles of fine grade.

So, Hammy learned to sniff like dad
beneath the wide and tall oak trees,
and if he isn’t ham by now,
he wades in mud up to his knees.
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#4
Hi Dale, Billy;
I shouldn't have attached the label "iambic tetrameter" to the title of my doggerel; this led the reader to expect the lacking perfection. As to the missing half a foot in "when his time comes and he’s ham, (missing half a foot), indeed, it should read "and he is ham."
As to the very first line, there I was hoping that the reader's voice inflection would rectify the two weak OF-prepositions in "Out of a litter of twelve pigs." (As a rule, the stress should fall on stronger syllables.)
If this were a more serious poem, I would rewrite this exercise in folly. Every writer is in need of an editor, and with that in mind, I want to thank both of you for your observations. Thanks, J.
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