Poetry is a knife in the throat
a sword swallowed in reverse
like Christ in a literal reading of Revelation
Regurgitated love that tastes more like death
when someone else is meant to drink it
But you're reading it all wrong
The Cross you wear round your neck
is the Roman cross not the one
the Savior meant for us to bear
But saviors don't write poetry
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I like this very much. It reads like a a loving caress and a slap across the face all in one.
I think you have really captured something powerful here.
But I would like to see some puctuation and I'm not sure that the last line reads quite as smooth as it could.
Suggestion: But a saviour doesn't write poetry
(also ? spelling on saviour...or is this an American thing)
Thanks for the read i will be back to read again - greatly appreciated this one AJ.
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It's an American thing AJ.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
My original version, on my paper, the saviour has a u. But I got sick of seeing that red line under it. Ever since they upgraded to Google Chrome on this computer, all my British spellings are marked as wrong. And I figured I might as well spell like an American. I'm not H.P. Lovecraft or T.S. Eliot after all.
The one on paper had some periods too. But I took them out. It just seemed right at the time.
The last line doesn't read quite as smooth in sound or meaning, or both?
I've read it with mine and your ending a few times.
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I'm ok with the last line but I agree that this does suffer somewhat from lack of punctuation -- at least a comma after "Roman cross", but of course if you put in one comma you should probably put in the rest of the squiggles, so it's a dilemma.
Philosophically this reminds me of Kierkegaard, which will always be a good thing. Poetry and Christ have both been sugar coated to suit the duller palates.
It could be worse
Well, I'll go back to the old version and retrieve the punctuation.
You calling me dull?
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I hadn't noticed that your poetry makes my teeth hurt. Time for tea -- will you take one saviour or two?
It could be worse
My poems are usually buttoned up to the neck with punctuation.
You saying my poetry is too sweet, and hurts your teeth? Where I am, we get sweet tea with Micky Mouse on the plastic jug.
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Quite the opposite -- I like tea and poetry bitter.
It could be worse
