She was the one?

[Freestylekilla]

I thought you were the one
Look at us now
Looks like I'm almost done
You might be wondering how

Reality is I want some who will sacrafice
The type of person to give it all
To do exactly as I say not thinking twice
So together we fall

I want someone who puts us first
As a team we hold hands
Even if worse comes to worst
We have each other in our plans

But lately it feels like I'm the only one
Never have I felt so alone
I'd sacrafice it all, im not dumb
My proof of actions have shown

This is me expressing my feelings and my thoughts
So listen and try, I want us to be ride or die
I am the man you have caught
Whether it was an accident or a lie

Nows the time to show me what you got
If not our relationship my rot
This is beyond your addiction to pot
This is us, your future and mine
So if you cant sacrafice it all then the ref calls time
The game is over with no real winner
We both could be a winner hell I'd buy you dinner

The choice is yours, let us die and run
Or give your all for our future and fun
There is only one way to get this thought out of my head
For you to show if you arent with me youd rather be dead
A Romeo and Juliet type of love
One that is undefined even to the god above
Thats what I truly desire
I want you to be the queen of my empire
But right now I guess I just tire

Because you choose you over us
So maybe you change your mind
Hell you can even cus
But if you sacrafice it all for me with no regrets
I will be by yourside always
I some sure bets

[milo]

One of the worst things I have read in a long while. Endless piles of tired phrasings and cliches without a single original thought or image. This is "anti-poetry", everything that poetry isn't is captured here. Horrible rhymes? Check! Messed up meter. Check! Bad spelling grammar and punctuation? Check! Pointlessly mawkish and trite? Check! Really quite painful, but I say all this in miscellaneous so enjoy!

[Freestylekilla]

One of the worst things I have read in a long while. Endless piles of tired phrasings and cliches without a single original thought or image. This is "anti-poetry", everything that poetry isn't is captured here. Horrible rhymes? Check! Messed up meter. Check! Bad spelling grammar and punctuation? Check! Pointlessly mawkish and trite? Check! Really quite painful, but I say all this in miscellaneous so enjoy!

You are right I wrote this for someone kind of fast and its not even close to being where it could be. I will edit it later. Thank you

[cidermaid]

You seem like a good egg to take Milo's feedback in such good heart (esp given this was your first day)...
but... Please remember to read the site rules and leave feedback on other poems before you posting more of your own in the crit boards. / mod.