Posts: 14
Threads: 5
Joined: Sep 2013
My eye's open sudden
A cold dreary dawn greets
Tranquility dwells not, my mind unrest
For love came by last night
Love's visit painted a heart
It knew no other
Ecstasy had in a place once knew
For love came back last night
But is love's visit sincere
Does a shattered heart not mends with steel
For love's reunion deceives the healing of time
Love's paintings fade
Misery now speaks
A love's destiny placed, upon a fool
Love is too fragile, the heart should choose
A lesson learnt too late
A heart lies not with me to know
That love came by last night
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09-06-2013, 09:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-06-2013, 09:06 AM by billy.)
(09-06-2013, 08:57 AM)ruagun Wrote: My eye's open, time's instrument declares four past
A cold lonely dawn greets me
Tranquility dwells not, my mind unrest
For love came by last night
Love painted your heart as it were mine
For they both knew no other
Ecstasy had in a place we knew
Our love came back last night
But is love being fair
Should broken hearts not dwindle and die
For our love's reunion deceives the healing of time
Love's visited now appears to be vague
So from the heart I now speak
Our destiny you placed, upon a fool
Love is too fragile, the heart should decide
A lesson learnt too late
Where ever you are, I want you to know
Our love came by last night
three poems posted and all that feedback you've generously been given; What feedback have you given to others? give feedback, the mods and I have better things to do that beg poets to give feedback. read the rules/admin
Posts: 14
Threads: 5
Joined: Sep 2013
Poetry is so new to me I sometimes have a hard time understanding its meaning, but I will try my best to give me input.
Its easier to express ones feelings than to understand others but that's no excuse.
Posts: 31
Threads: 7
Joined: Sep 2013
I like the thoughts you convey many people can share this feeling. What confused me enough to slow my reading down was the person you speak in(1st 2nd 3rd)
I like it in 1st person cause its about you, 2nd paragraph u speak in 3rd person
1st parag u speak in 1st person.
but when u speak at the end of the lovers as others not you . If the lover was there why do u wish to tel them of the visit (if it was but a dream i didnt catch that)? But it is lovely poem:j
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(09-06-2013, 08:57 AM)ruagun Wrote: My eye's open, time's instrument declares four past
A cold lonely dawn greets me
Tranquility dwells not, my mind unrest
For love came by last night
Love painted your heart as it were mine
For they both knew no other
Ecstasy had in a place we knew
Our love came back last night
But is love being fair
Should broken hearts not dwindle and die
For love's reunion deceives the healing of time
Love's visit now appears to be vague
So from the heart I now speak
Our destiny you placed, upon a fool
Love is too fragile, the heart should decide
A lesson learnt too late
Where ever you are, I want you to know
Our love came by last night
The ghost of my horse Spike runs with me always..!
Posts: 14
Threads: 5
Joined: Sep 2013
I did a major edit of the poem to make it a lot clearer
