Score Card
#1
Is time our greatest enemy?
for time is the ultimate quietus
as the most savage
and bravest of men
reap under its spell
ending up in a laminated field of green
polluted with bleached stone
tombs punctured into
the skin of the Earth
acting as monolithic projections
of the faces that once laughed at tricks,
wept at misfortune,
and adored their beloved
under the patinated first layer of soil
graves aligned carefully;
a painfully symmetric composition
sitting like pale white streaks
etched onto a colossal score card
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#2
(08-28-2013, 01:14 PM)Petrichor Wrote:  Is time our greatest enemy?
for time is the ultimate quietus
as the most savage
and bravest of men
reap under its spell
ending up in a laminated field of green
polluted with bleached stone
tombs punctured into
the skin of the Earth
acting as monolithic projections
of the faces that once laughed at tricks,
wept at misfortune,
and adored their beloved
under the patinated first layer of soil
graves aligned carefully;
a painfully symmetric composition
sitting like pale white streaks
etched onto a colossal score card
please read the rules and give feedback before posting a poem in the novice, mild or serious critique forums/mod
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#3
I think if you started with

"time is the ultimate quietus..."

and dropped the question this would be stronger.

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I guess Billy succinctly covered everything else I might have said Hysterical

Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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