Ginger

[Bunx]

EDIT 2
Ginger, my little shitzu
the universe awaits Ginger.

Bunx know Bunx and Ginger
have not talked in some time
because, Gingers in line for heavens wait.

Bunx hate the fact we were both sick,
Bunx were fed bacon.
Bunx was fed shaking.

When doctors stuck the needle threw Gingers spine
steel ended your short tan hour glass.
BUNX shook.

All the great times Bunx and Ginger had.
Sprinting in circles around the kitchen floor,
is now the door to life's resolve.

Bunx Is
Running in a circle to catch you
on the cold snowy floor.

It was then Bunx shook no more.

Bunx chase bones.
Never where your body lays.
Only objective graves.

Vacation here, a love there, a juicy steak
done nice and well.

Bunx misses you miss Ginger, all your spicy pzazz.
Bunx will miss my dog Ginger till we meet again.
Ginger the brave, mighty and fearless.

EDIT 1 (orginal pretty much)
Ginger,
My pooch prance on out
the universe awaits.

I know we have not talked in some time
because, you're in the pearly gates.

I hate the fact we were both sick pooch
I was on my ass.

When they stuck the needle threw your spine
ended your short hour glass.

Ginger all the great times we had.
Sprinting in circles around the kitchen floor
is now the door to life's resolve.

My dog, I chase bones as well.
Vacation here, a love there, a juicy steak
done nice and well.

I miss you Ginger, all your spicy pzazz.
I miss you my dog till we meet again.
Ginger the brave, mighty and fearless
gear me into my life, so I can be courageous.

[cidermaid]

Hi Bunx,
You have labeled this edit one...is this because there is an original version somewhere that i have missed?
This one feels like you might be writing from a personal experiance of loosing a pet dog. If so it can be very traumatic to loose a special friend.

It does feel very wordy in places and also the repitition of the term pooch is both unessasary and detracts from the tone of regret and pain at the death of a beloved pet. (It makes it sound like you are taking the piss out of "Ginger" rather than elugising him). The same comment for where you keep reminding the reader that you are talking to the dog. It feels unessasary.
I'll leave a couple of points on individual lines for you to consider.

EDIT 1
Ginger, my pooch prance on out Not sure that on is needed.
the universe awaits.

I know we have not talked in some time Same comment again don't think that I know is needed
because, you're in the pearly gates. Cliche

I hate the fact we were both sick pooch
I was on my ass. This is a missed opportunity. Tell me more than on my ass and try and give me a picture rather than a flat statement

When they stuck the needle threw your spine Assuming you mean through. Also think an animal is put down into the vein normally on the leg or in some cases straight into the heart via the chest cavity under the fore leg...sorry to be so graphic but it just does not read true to life
ended your short hour glass. shocking cliche

Ginger all the great times we had.
Sprinting in circles around the kitchen floor
is now the door to life's resolve. Sort of get an image here of the fun on the slippery floor and think you were trying to convey the idea of life being a whirl of activity with no real direction, but think this line is a little mixed up. Do you mean resolve as in a commitment or revolve as in spinning door. If the former than I think this is just an odd sentence which is confusing

My dog, I chase bones as well. My dog is not needed
Vacation here, a love there, a juicy steak
done nice and well.

I miss you Ginger, all your spicy pzazz.
I miss you my dog till we meet again. my dog is not needed
Ginger the brave, mighty and fearless
gear me into my life, so I can be courageous. Not sure what this line conveys. Gear?...activate my drive mechinism? or is this a typo for steer. But still not that clear what you want to convey

[Bunx]

cider! thanks so much for all the suggestions. I changed up the poem quite a bit, took some lines out and added some other for the serious tone of the poem. before i was trying to convey more of a monologue as if a boy was talking to himself. hope you like the edits (hopefully there grammatically sound)