Mother

[Foxtrot]

Father, I lie beneath the hollow
Contorted amongst crippled kings
Strung my eyes to somber skies
Nauseous as the angels sing

Although I plead for guidance
Quartered onto blackened shores
Children are smothered, laid to rest
Hung and numbered twelve by four

I lie here writhing
Twisted beneath this sickening spell
A buzzing of a dozen solemn hymns
Oh Mother, my eyes they swell

I reckon I stand corrected
Dressed in foreign tongues of shame
Veins and marrow splayed meek and mild
Oh Brother, I've stained my name

I'm bothered- I digress
For once I glowed with pride
Although fate was shy and broken
Which cast my eyes to hide

[billy]

the rhymes aren't too bad, though they could be improved. i think you could do something with the meter (have a look at some of the pdf's in my signature) but for me the main problem for the poem is that it tries to hard to be a poem.
the 1st two lines start the poem well. very well actually and then use two phrases that feel over the top. then there are lines to like;

Dressed in foreign tongues of shame
Veins and marrow splayed meek and mild
Oh Brother, I've stained my name

are excellent, rich images that grab the reader, in fact they feel too good to be in the poem.
make these lines fit and you'll have a fantastic write on your hands.
i had some trouble tying the title to the poem but that could be my fault.

there's a good poem here, it's just covered in to much poetry.

Father, I lie beneath the hollow
Contorted amongst crippled kings
Strung my eyes to somber skies
Nauseous as the angels sing

Although I plead for guidance
Quartered onto blackened shores
Children are smothered, laid to rest
Hung and numbered twelve by four

I lie here writhing
Twisted beneath this sickening spell
A buzzing of a dozen solemn hymns
Oh Mother, my eyes they swell

I reckon I stand corrected
Dressed in foreign tongues of shame
Veins and marrow splayed meek and mild
Oh Brother, I've stained my name

I'm bothered- I digress
For once I glowed with pride
Although fate was shy and broken
Which cast my eyes to hide