sheep dog

[Bunx]

EDIT 1
There he goes my sheep dog Skip!
Skip runs down the green grass.
for a treat of something meaty.

There Skip goes though the wheat.
Slyly he stands guarding his lost friends.
They follow his command,
obeying every move he makes.

There Skip makes his final stand.
I want my bone now
not after the job is done.

Skip the sheep dog seems to waste
time rolling around in the grass
in strict and utter protest.

"My life is a bone on the ground,
and these sheep are my friends
that where lost now found."

I thought to myself.

How am I to protect you
and the sheep if I am to spend
all my money on nasty pigs bones?

"Skip, you must sail,
not for the fish in the sea.
But for my daughter son and me."

Ship licked his lips and got
his old meaty bone.

Using his four legs he ran
up the hill. Cruising like he owned
the way.

Then Ship set sail for a new land
with his friends, the land of the unknown.

[R.C. KITCHENS]

There he goes my sheep dog Ship!
Ship skips down the green grassy fields
for a treat of something meaty.

There Ship goes though the wheat grassland.
Slyly he stands guarding his lost friends.
They follow his command,
obeying every move he makes.

There Ship makes his final stand.
I want my bone now
not after the job is done.

"My life is a bone on the ground,
and these sheep are my friends
that where lost now found."

I thought myself.

How am I to protect you
and the sheep if I am to spend
all my money on stinking pigs bones?

"Ship, you must sail,
not for the fish in the sea.
But for my daughter son and me."

Ship licked his lips and got
his old meaty bone.

He admired the bones fine
shape and tone.

Then Ship set sail for a new land
with his friends, the land of the unknown.

This is novice so I cant do a line by line as I would like...but, I will comment on some of it. To me, This really isn't working as a poem.
First, I'd suggest another name than "Ship" "my sheep dog Ship" just seems like your saying my sheep dog ship, like you have a sheep dog ship that is for transporting sheep dogs. "Ship skips" doesn't seem logical. I would probably lose "green grassy fields" or lose "wheat grassland". I wouldn't incorporate both unless I was to explain the transition from green grassy fields to wheat grasslands. Maybe a one line transition would be more suitable? For example "Shep runs through the Kentucky blue grass to the wheat field below." It isn't the best example, just an idea. Instead of "Ship" having a dialogue of wanting his bone- Just what is he doing to signify this? for example does he run in a circle and jump upward? Does he just sit upward looking at you? Instead of the dialogue, use mannerisms of the dog to show that he wants the bone. Just a few idea's to toss around.

[SunRose]

There he goes my sheep dog Ship!
Ship skips down the green grassy fields
for a treat of something meaty.

There Ship goes though the wheat grassland.
Slyly he stands guarding his lost friends.
They follow his command,
obeying every move he makes.

There Ship makes his final stand.
I want my bone now
not after the job is done.

"My life is a bone on the ground,
and these sheep are my friends
that where lost now found."
Up to this point this poem reads like a children's picture book to me

I thought myself. Confusing line

How am I to protect you
and the sheep if I am to spend
all my money on stinking pigs bones?
The word stinking seems not in the "mood" of the rest of the poem

"Ship, you must sail,
not for the fish in the sea.
But for my daughter son and me."
I thought these three lines were cute and a nice message - do things to help others, not just for yourself

Ship licked his lips and got
his old meaty bone.

He admired the bones fine
shape and tone.
This sounds like a line out of a smutty romance novel

Then Ship set sail for a new land
with his friends, the land of the unknown.

Overall this seems to have good potential, but maybe consider a few serious rewrites. The thought of a sheep dog ship is very funny (thank you Kitchens for the laugh!), but that line didn't read that way to me until I read the response post.

[Bunx]

RC- thanks for the feedback! I think i will re-work the poem more to show (Skips) personality traits. Ship was a name that came out of no where really, i could see it being a dogs name, but I agree it makes the poem rather confusing. I did a quick edit and plan on doing more

[ScurryFunger]

EDIT 1
There he goes my sheep dog Skip!
Skip runs down the green grassy hill.
for a treat of something meaty.

There Skip goes though the wheat.
Slyly he stands guarding his lost friends.
They follow his command,
obeying every move he makes.

There Skip makes his final stand.
I want my bone now
not after the job is done.

Skip the sheep dog seems to waste
time rolling around in the grass
in strict and utter protest.

"My life is a bone on the ground,
and these sheep are my friends
that where lost now found."

I thought to myself.

How am I to protect you
and the sheep if I am to spend
all my money on nasty pigs bones?

"Skip, you must sail,
not for the fish in the sea.
But for my daughter son and me."

Ship licked his lips and got
his old meaty bone.

Using his four legs he ran
up the hill. Cruising like he owned
the way

Then Ship set sail for a new land
with his friends, the land of the unknown.

This all seems a bit 'janet and john' (showing my age there)

See janet and what she does, see John and what he does next.

Reading for the just started reading really.

Sorry.

[Bunx]

funger! it is all good! ill look it up

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looked up janet and john! classic stuff!