City Limits

[TheWall0912]

I never did like
the massive amounts of people
crammed inside the city limits,
like tuna in a can.
I am always taken over
by the deadly feeling
of suffocation.

I never did like
how the cabs never checked
if people were in the crosswalk,
before they drove.
It's easy to blend in,
or become invisible here.
I would know.

I never did like
how my eyes hurt
because they were blinded
by lights, at all hours.
Sleepless nights,
too many to count,
made me think too much.

I never did like
when my eyes
were fully saturated
with memories from the past.
Tears escape
and slowly trickle
down my face.

I like
standing on this rooftop
above all the people,
the lights, and the noise.
Searching for a final sign
of meaning, and belonging,
but nothing comes.

I like
to look down
upon the ground.
I realize
that it's approaching fast.
And then everything
goes black.

[animasrwm]

I can see what you are trying to do here but I don't feel it's quite comes off
The words lack a feeling of utter despair that would push you over the edge.

[Volaticus]

I never did like
the massive amounts of people
crammed inside the city limits,
like tuna in a can. This line feels a little weak. Because you mention the suffocation below, perhaps try a metaphor that involves living beings, for a stronger impact.
I am always taken over
by the deadly feeling
of suffocation.

I never did like
how the cabs never checked
if people were in the crosswalk,
before they drove.
It's easy to blend in,
or become invisible here.
I would know. I don't think this line adds much, the image above says it all.

I never did like
how my eyes hurt
because they were blinded
by lights, at all hours. I think you could remove the comma.
Sleepless nights,
too many to count,
made me think too much. Feels vague to me. I'd like something more concrete than just 'think too much'.

I never did like
when my eyes
were fully saturated
with memories from the past. Lovely image, but it makes me want to know more about those memories.
Tears escape
and slowly trickle
down my face. Maybe you could describe the crying with a little more originality. There's also something with the line breaks here, that doesn't seem to work for me, like they did in the other stanzas.

I like
standing on this rooftop
above all the people,
the lights, and the noise. Perhaps remove the comma and change the period into a comma instead.
Searching for a final sign
of meaning, and belonging, I don't think you need the first comma.
but nothing comes.

I like
to look down
upon the ground.
I realize
that it's approaching fast. Maybe remove the period or change it into a comma.
And then everything
goes black.

I can relate a lot to the theme. I never liked cities much and I certainly don't like the claustrophobic feel of it.
The poem lacks some depth though, and some stronger images to really paint the picture of a person who's so desperate or in so much emotional pain, that they see no other choice but to jump.
I hope this was of any help, and as always: just my humble opinion.
-Louise

[ScurryFunger]

I never did like
the massive amounts of people
crammed inside the city limits,
like tuna in a can.
I am always taken over
by the deadly feeling
of suffocation.

I never did like
how the cabs never checked
if people were in the crosswalk,
before they drove.
It's easy to blend in,
or become invisible here.
I would know.

I never did like
how my eyes hurt
because they were blinded
by lights, at all hours.
Sleepless nights,
too many to count,
made me think too much.

I never did like
when my eyes
were fully saturated
with memories from the past.
Tears escape
and slowly trickle
down my face.

I like
standing on this rooftop
above all the people,
the lights, and the noise.
Searching for a final sign
of meaning, and belonging,
but nothing comes.

I like
to look down
upon the ground.
I realize
that it's approaching fast.
And then everything
goes black.

(don't jump, move to the country!)