Why is it?
I wish you can.
I wish I can.
Your repel.
My chase.
The pain.
Why do you?
Why do I?
I wish I didn't.
One more day.
Time to forget.
Can't let go.
One last chat.
Need to let go.
One last time.
Your thoughts?
Unknown.
Why?
Must let go.
Love.
Do you have any other poems? There's nothing wrong or right with this one. There's not enough to be bad. The only good thing about it is that it's realistic. It seems like it happened just like that.
Posts: 123
Threads: 15
Joined: Jun 2013
(08-13-2013, 12:56 AM)asolace Wrote: Why is it?
I wish you can.
I wish I can.
Your repel.
My chase.
The pain.
Why do you?
Why do I?
I wish I didn't.
One more day.
Time to forget.
Can't let go.
One last chat.
Need to let go.
One last time.
Your thoughts?
Unknown.
Why?
Must let go.
Love.
This is something you can work with. I cant tell where to offer suggestions because the lines are to too short. As a hole though, some imagery and metaphors could be helpful to the piece. Make the lines longer and add some emphasis to the lines. for example "Must let go" Must let go of what? the person physically or emotionally? To me it seems "physically" has already been let go of.. but there isn't really that clear line to distinguish that you've let go of one or the other. and "Love." is not a good line. it doesn't really show anything.
I once told this blond chick to screw in a light bulb..
She got naked and asked "how do I get in it?"
Posts: 845
Threads: 57
Joined: Aug 2013
Expand the lines by putting more effort into them. Gives us pictures, some color, motive, what kind of pain? Too many queries, give us more answers!
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Posts: 70
Threads: 23
Joined: Jul 2013
(08-13-2013, 12:56 AM)asolace Wrote: Why is it?
I wish you can.
I wish I can.
Your repel.
My chase.
The pain.
Why do you?
Why do I?
I wish I didn't.
One more day.
Time to forget.
Can't let go.
One last chat.
Need to let go.
One last time.
Your thoughts?
Unknown.
Why?
Must let go.
Love.
The lines are too short to comment on specific ones but as a whole the idea is a good start. Try to expand on the topic you're writing about. Maybe tell the reader what happened? What the characters are like? What are you letting go of? Basically, I agree with the previous comments and I'm sorry I can't give more critique.
