Love
#1
There's no love lost between us
Only dreams
There's no chance for us
Only reality
There's nothing left for us
Only silence
Yet still we stay
Yet still we hope
Yet still we care
Is this what love is?
Endurance
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#2
(08-12-2013, 06:14 PM)animasrwm Wrote:  There's no love lost between us
Only dreams
There's no chance for us
Only reality
There's nothing left for us
Only silence
Yet still we stay
Yet still we hope
Yet still we care
Is this what love is?
Endurance

I would suggest staying away from love poems because even though this poem is pretty good, there are just too many poems like this one so it seems less original and less creative
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#3
(08-13-2013, 02:14 AM)wow1500 Wrote:  Don't worry about being original. If this is how you feel about love, remember it, you might find that it will change.

Thanks Rachel new a woman would get it x

(08-13-2013, 12:55 AM)fogglethorpe Wrote:  
(08-12-2013, 06:14 PM)animasrwm Wrote:  There's no love lost between us a common phrase, and contradictory
Only dreams I cringe sometimes when poets talk about "dreams"
There's no chance for us But the summation says otherwise. What gives?
Only reality This line is basically meaningless
There's nothing left for us Redundant
Only silence You could explore this further
Yet still we stay
Yet still we hope
Yet still we care These three lines could be combined or condensed
Is this what love is? Is it?
Endurance Spoon feeding..maybe astute readers won't need it

Love has been done ad nauseam. If a poet endeavors to tackle it now, it deserves an original and in depth treatment. This feels general, esoteric, recycled. I don't mean to be harsh..I'd just like to see you explore this more boldly.

Interesting comments but don't worry if you just don't get it.
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#4
All of this sounds like the way a woman feels in a relationship like this. But just being a woman and having feelings doesn't make a written poem. There must be more that you can get out of your feelings and your relationship if they're worth writing about.

As it is, it sounds like at least two other poems I can remember reading on here today.
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#5
(08-12-2013, 06:14 PM)animasrwm Wrote:  There's no love lost between us cliche
Only dreams abstraction
There's no chance for us abstraction/cliche
Only reality abstraction
There's nothing left for us abstraction/cliche
Only silence abstraction
Yet still we stay abstraction
Yet still we hope abstraction
Yet still we care abstraction
Is this what love is? cliche
Endurance abstraction

what you have here is a list of abstractions and cliche, not a poem. Poetry needs fresh language grounded in strong concrete images and narratives to succeed. This is tired and dull in both thought and execution. Unsalvageable by any definition.

Sorry I couldn't be more positive. Thanks for posting.
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#6
(08-13-2013, 02:33 AM)rowens Wrote:  All of this sounds like the way a woman feels in a relationship like this. But just being a woman and having feelings doesn't make a written poem. There must be more that you can get out of your feelings and your relationship if they're worth writing about.

As it is, it sounds like at least two other poems I can remember reading on here today.

What poems do share
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