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red green
underneath is light
the fern, freedom of flight
I feel the wrath of god
on fingertips sore
scrubbing ink from the pages of time
feel it, alive is he
alive in the middle between
do you see, do you want
the cherry tree, so very gaunt
a table made of glass and fire
a noose before you hit the pyre
let it on
let it on
forever in the morning
forever in the dawn
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I have moved this thread to miscellaneous and locked it. Please read site rules regarding posting and feedback. We ask that members post only 1 poem in the critique forums daily. In addition, we ask that members leave at least 1 piece of feedback for each poem posted. You have currently left 1 piece of feedback for 4 poems and that feedback was of a generic quality. The site works on reciprocity. In addition, you could learn a lot by reading and commenting on other people's poem. /mod
Posts: 8
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Joined: Aug 2013
(08-11-2013, 03:24 AM)milo Wrote: I have moved this thread to miscellaneous and locked it. Please read site rules regarding posting and feedback. We ask that members post only 1 poem in the critique forums daily. In addition, we ask that members leave at least 1 piece of feedback for each poem posted. You have currently left 1 piece of feedback for 4 poems and that feedback was of a generic quality. The site works on reciprocity. In addition, you could learn a lot by reading and commenting on other people's poem. /mod
AGH! Sorry, I forgot! Don't hate me Milo! I love youuuuu!!!!!
Posts: 1,279
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It isn't a personal like/dislike thing. Your own poetry will benefit greatly by reading and commenting, and I mean really digging into, not just saying I like/dislike, other's poetry. Try it for a while, you might find it quite addictive.
Posts: 8
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I've started trying but I'm not into giving really harsh critique, nor am I into trying to change someone else's art. I'm usually just glad people are interested in this stuff at all still. But I'll do my best to help people, if possible.
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brandon, pretty good poem.
I had a hard time picking out the theme of this poem, is it really the nature of "gods wrath?" L4
or is the poems theme death, by hanging? I liked this poem for the imagery it gave me, ass well as the contrast of ideas in regards
to death itself.
If i were you i'd break the poem up into different stanzas, to make the flow a bit easier. Break lines up to make sense rhythmically
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
