on relationships
#1
Arrows in the Darkness

He was an expert bowman,
could hit his targets from far away.
His eye was like an eagle’s,
but only in the light of day.

His quiver was filled with arrows
each selected by his heart,
uniquely fashioned to ensure
the feeling they would impart.

A sense of the intention
the bowman freed as the arrow flew,
a conveyance of the feeling
the bowman’s heart wanted to imbue

into the very essence
of the being in his sight,
into their soul the arrow aimed
with an intention, always bright:

strength for the weary,
hope to supplant despair,
perseverance for the downtrodden
greatly burdened by their cares,

balance for the unsteady,
confidence for the unsure,
courage for the intimidated,
peace for those who desire more,

encouragement for those who struggle,
forgiveness for those who fight,
faith for those who often worry
when they go to sleep at night,

joy for those too busy
to find it each and every day,
guidance for those who know where they want to go
but struggle to find their way,

and love, … always love;
it comprises each arrow’s tip,
the universal penetrator
so every projectile slips

almost undetected
into the heart of the intended
where love prepares the soil
before the intention is implanted.

It is good to be the bowman.
His heart is usually light,
until his arrows can’t find their way
because the day has turned to night.

It could just be time or distance
that makes a target hard to find
or when his thoughtless word or action
creates the darkness that makes him blind.

But especially on those occasions
the bowman does a peculiar thing,
he releases arrows into the darkness
praying the Almighty bring

the arrow to its intended target,
love and the intention to bear
upon the heart of the targeted soul
though the bowman clueless where.

His perseverance is as true
as his aim in the light of day.
It is why he looses many arrows in darkness
in this most unconventional way

of reaching out to someone
precious to his heart and mind,
trying to reestablish a relationship’s light
to help guide the arrows he lets fly.
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#2
This will be brief as I'm on the phone, but it feels like there's something workable trying to break through.

i can't quite decide whether it's seriously about a Cupid figure, or is trying to be arch and smutty, but on balance think the former.

The third stanza is odd, and elsewhere some lines are too long for the rhythm ("guidance for those that know..." could be better rendered "guidance for the knowing / who yet struggle..."), and it ends ... Nowhere. It doesn't end.

All that said, a bit of tightening up on the central idea, and some tweaks, it could be good. There are certainly some good building blocks in there.
Overweening vanity :: sub-type poetry :: sub-type generic
Not forgetting :: The Dog's Blog
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#3
(08-08-2013, 04:23 AM)Snags Wrote:  This will be brief as I'm on the phone, but it feels like there's something workable trying to break through.

i can't quite decide whether it's seriously about a Cupid figure, or is trying to be arch and smutty, but on balance think the former.

The third stanza is odd, and elsewhere some lines are too long for the rhythm ("guidance for those that know..." could be better rendered "guidance for the knowing / who yet struggle..."), and it ends ... Nowhere. It doesn't end.

All that said, a bit of tightening up on the central idea, and some tweaks, it could be good. There are certainly some good building blocks in there.
Thanks for the read and the critique Snags. Doesn't end?!? huh, I am going to have to think on that one. Standby for an edit! Thumbsup
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