Senryu 2 (August 2013)

[Volaticus]

no more
string of attachment -
a bare breast

[Volaticus]

Wonderful use of juxtaposition here. No edits to suggest..I think you have a gem.

Thank you very much for your kind feedback It's an unusual theme for me to write about, so I was honestly quite unsure of it. I'm glad you think it works.
My best.

[billy]

i like it because i see nothing sexual in the last line
even though i want to
nicely done.

[Volaticus]

i like it because i see nothing sexual in the last line
even though i want to
nicely done.

Thanks billy. I wanted to keep it as non-sexual as possible, and focus only on the transition from unborn to being born, and how the feeding and bonds change.

[ChristopherSea]

Ah, a baby weened, perhaps. Even the clipping of apron strings or a severed unbilical cord. I can even envison removal of a bra after a long day at work. There is a great deal in this small offering. Good work!

[Volaticus]

Ah, a baby weened, perhaps. Even the clipping of apron strings or a severed unbilical cord. I can even envison removal of a bra after a long day at work. There is a great deal in this small offering. Good work!

Thanks for your feedback ChristopherSea - I appreciate it.

[Keith]

You have packed a great deal into this tiny space, and it shines, the move from chord to breast is delicate, a fine Senryu. best TOMH

[Volaticus]

You have packed a great deal into this tiny space, and it shines, the move from chord to breast is delicate, a fine Senryu. best TOMH

Thanks TOMH, I appreciate your feedback and kind words.
My best,
Louise