Sight

[brandonalsip]

I am not invisible

I border on transparent

You’ll notice me when no one is else is there

but I disappear so easily in a crowd

[I don't really know if I would consider this poetry or not but it was something I wrote(and could not title properly) and just thought I'd share it with you guys. Maybe some will enjoy it. Maybe someone won't. Either way I appreciate feedback very much.]

[fim]

I am not invisible

I border on transparent

You’ll notice me when no one is else is there

but I disappear so easily in a crowd

[I don't really know if I would consider this poetry or not but it was something I wrote(and could not title properly) and just thought I'd share it with you guys. Maybe some will enjoy it. Maybe someone won't. Either way I appreciate feedback very much.]

brandonalsip,
I agree with fogglethorpe, L1 & L2 seem to contradict each other. L3 has a confusing, unnecessary "is." Again I agree with fogglethorpe, you have something (worthwhile, in my opinion) to say ... just need to ruminate a bit more on your feelings and then flesh out your poem.
If I understand where you are coming from, maybe in L2 you are talking about a condition that is more "opaque" than "transparent."
Look forward to your first-edit embellishment!
fim

[brandonalsip]

This is the second thing I've posted on here that no one seems to be able to understand, and I find that odd because this is a freaking poetry forum. It's about not being able to stand out in a crowd and look up transparent, it's not the same as invisible. Imagine the person in this little piece of writing as like a a bubble. It's clear but you can see it's outline. You would not be able to see it if it were far away but up close you can. Anyway, I did this thing, maybe you'll like it more and can understand it:

A blurred silhouette in the crowd,
"was he there" "I don't remember"
Alone, the lines sharpen
vision unclouds and I am someone
until I am no more

---

To be clear it doesn't bother me if it's disliked, I've had some harsh critique before, it just worries me that no one seems to understand this stuff. Do I need to be very literal about everything? I mean, this is poetry..

[ScurryFunger]

I am not invisible, but
I border on transparent.
You’ll notice me when no one else is there.
I disappear
so easily
in a crowded glare.

[I don't really know if I would consider this poetry or not but it was something I wrote(and could not title properly) and just thought I'd share it with you guys. Maybe some will enjoy it. Maybe someone won't. Either way I appreciate feedback very much.]

[brandonalsip]

I am not invisible, but
I border on transparent.
You’ll notice me when no one else is there.
I disappear
so easily
in a crowded glare.

[I don't really know if I would consider this poetry or not but it was something I wrote(and could not title properly) and just thought I'd share it with you guys. Maybe some will enjoy it. Maybe someone won't. Either way I appreciate feedback very much.]

I hate rhyming.

---

I am not invisible, but
I border on transparent.
You’ll notice me when no one else is there.
I disappear
so easily
in a crowded glare.

[I don't really know if I would consider this poetry or not but it was something I wrote(and could not title properly) and just thought I'd share it with you guys. Maybe some will enjoy it. Maybe someone won't. Either way I appreciate feedback very much.]

I hate rhyming.

When you rhyme in a poem it seems to say that you are willing to sacrifice the entire meaning of your work for a pretty sound that means nothing, especially in this Rhymezone age.

[ScurryFunger]

I am not invisible, but
I border on transparent.
You’ll notice me when no one else is there.
I disappear
so easily
in a crowded glare.

[I don't really know if I would consider this poetry or not but it was something I wrote(and could not title properly) and just thought I'd share it with you guys. Maybe some will enjoy it. Maybe someone won't. Either way I appreciate feedback very much.]

I hate rhyming.

---

I hate rhyming.

When you rhyme in a poem it seems to say that you are willing to sacrifice the entire meaning of your work for a pretty sound that means nothing, especially in this Rhymezone age.

sometimes I rhyme stuff, sometimes I don't
sometimes I just let it all flow out in a mindbending orgasm of no one else will understand.
I'm an old hand
at sometimes.

:o)

---

p.s I know nothing

[animasrwm]

Don't really see this as poetry. It almost reads like a series of clues to a who am I .
Mabey you should take this idea and further expand it into that very concept.

[ChristopherSea]

'To be clear it doesn't bother me if it's disliked, I've had some harsh critique before, it just worries me that no one seems to understand this stuff. Do I need to be very literal about everything? I mean, this is poetry.. '

Everyone is telling you to develop your thesis. There is not much to understand. The quip you posted says: I am invisible in a crowd, but visible when alone. Try saying differently, like this:

At the bar last night,
I was cigarette smoke.
Tonight, in my room, I glow.

No matter what anyone says, keep reading and writing.