The Day the Birds Died

[TheWall0912]

It was a day in late October
when all of them went
south for the winter,
but then they were spent.
The birds died that day,
but nobody knew
until the plants we need
became so few.

The animals that eat plants
no longer were prey,
because birds that ate them
all went away.
Insects of all kinds
began to thrive,
because they didn't
need to hide.

Less grass in the fields
and the trees are all gone.
Photosynthesis can't happen
each new dawn.
Our oxygen dwindles,
we pay a great cost.
The birds have died,
now all hope is lost.

[Volaticus]

The first couple of lines seemed promising, but it kind of fell apart for me as I read on. It feels very telly and lecturing, and though I like the theme you chose and feel strongly about it, the poem didn't evoke any of those feelings in me, I'm afraid.
I'll look forward to a read an edit of this poem, should you decide to make one.
-LB

[Todd]

Hi, I appreciate your use of the prompt. I think for me what I'd like to see here is more mystery. This spells it out a little too much without allowing us to experience it. There's no drama or tension.

Go more for the moment, and less for the reporting and you'll probably have a direction that will have more impact.

Just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd

It was a day in late October
when all of them went
south for the winter,
but then they were spent.
The birds died that day,
but nobody knew
until the plants we need
became so few.

The animals that eat plants
no longer were prey,
because birds that ate them
all went away.
Insects of all kinds
began to thrive,
because they didn't
need to hide.

Less grass in the fields
and the trees are all gone.
Photosynthesis can't happen
each new dawn.
Our oxygen dwindles,
we pay a great cost.
The birds have died,
now all hope is lost.

[KSD]

I really liked S1 & S3, but felt S2 was almost too basic if that makes any sense?

[animasrwm]

I for one enjoyed it for what it's worth
It struck me a simple statement on the Eco system of our planet. Sometimes people look too deeply for meanings that are just not there.

[Apophrades]

It was a day in late October
when all of them went
south for the winter,
but then they were spent. This line is redundant if in the next line you say that they died. It's better to cut this out for a more sudden and dramatic effect
The birds died that day,
but nobody knew
until the plants we need
became so few.

The animals that eat plants
no longer were prey,
because birds that ate them
all went away.
Insects of all kinds
began to thrive,
because they didn't
need to hide. This stanza isn't efficient. Because the "animals" in the first line are just insects, you can get rid of the first two lines. You're repeating yourself.

Less grass in the fields
and the trees are all gone.
Photosynthesis can't happen Obviously photosynthesis can't happen if there are no longer any plants
each new dawn.
Our oxygen dwindles,
we pay a great cost. You don't need this line. It is suggested by the previous
The birds have died, This is good repetition
now all hope is lost. Cliche, and suggested by the previous lines

Many ecosystems have been disrupted by humans but they were too small to have had a global effect, unlike the one in your piece. I don't feel like this is the concern of the poets. Scientists can inform people of such crises.