In My Skin

[evieb]

This body of mine
Is just a vessel, just a shell
That has no more to tell
About the real me
Than a stone can determine
The depth of a well

This crude casing
That I have been given
To walk around in
Doesn't fit my soul
It sneers and frowns
And brings me down
Off my high horse

It offers me no solace
No place to hide
This body doesn't fit

[Darkblue]

This body of mine
Is just a vessel, just a shell
That has no more to tell
About the real me
Than a stone can determine
The depth of a well On first read, I was expecting some kind of rhyme scheme after the shell/tell/well rhymes, but then that doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe reword some of this to get rid of that rhyme? It's a bit distracting to me.

This crude casing
That I have been given Get rid of "that" to reduce wordiness
To walk around in
Doesn't fit my soul
It sneers and frowns
And brings me down
Off my high horse Try staying away from cliches.

It offers me no solace
No place to hide
This body doesn't fit

This poem seems incomplete to me. The idea of a body being a vessel - while interesting - tends to be a bit common. I think if you dress it up more, give the narrator an identity and the idea something more concrete to establish it on, this could be good. By incomplete, I don't mean that it's too short, but the language doesn't always draw me in. Maybe try to think of some imagery or grounded examples to really drive this idea home and make it refreshing to read.

I might just be being nit-picky here, but I would also think more about where you're making line breaks. Using so many enjambed lines tends to break the flow in some parts because I automatically pause a bit after each line. The capitalization of every line also makes it kind of hard to read.

Good luck with future drafts! I hope I could help.