Am I Dead?

[jdguyb]

The whispers tell me I'm dead,
but I don't know for I still breathe life.
I remember dying,
but I also remember waking up.

Did I wake up in hell?
Like God said "you're going to hell."
But I woke up didn't I?
I remember my death so well.

I was having a bad trip.
I was convinced I was a retard.
The paranoia set in.
The seizures made it hard not to decipher that,
I was a retard.

Is my father in the mafia?
Did he tell my friends not tot tell me I was a retard?
The paranoia set in.
All was needed to kill me was 4 simple words.
Colin said "You're a retard Joe."
And Something clicked.

It was too much to bear.
The pain killed me.
I saw god and he said "you're going to hell"
Pause

I wake up in my bed.
Am I dead or alive?

[rowens]

Well, this one seems to be making some real progress. Though I keep having the paranoid delusion myself that there's two of you out there somewhere, smoking too much. Cigarettes make me paranoid too. Worse than grass, which makes me hear people's thoughts and travel in time when cut with the kind of worms that only live off centaur dung.

I like where you're heading with these neofever jives. Take the comma out of the "seizures" line, if you want. And keep carving out your sickness till you have something.

[whatispoetry?]

This is an unusual poem. I would suggest changing the first line to The whispers tell me I am to refer back to the title. The abrupt change that occurs due to the third stanza actually took me out of the poem for a moment because I was so interested in what was happening in the first two which made it difficult for me to read the rest. I'm not sure if this is a problem that needs to be addressed but a subjective thing on my part so take it as you will. Maybe you can take out the last two lines of S3 so we can quickly get to "Is my father in the mafia?" Another issue I have is that it might be a bit too prosaic. In other poems this might be a major problem but with this one I think its strange nature compensates for it, somehow. But I enjoyed reading this overall. It's certainly different.

[FreekyKellyDood]

I like it!

You express well the fear and self-doubt scores of us experience regarding normalcy.

Not that I'm over the hill my belief is: normalcy is far overrated, and what IS normal in this lunatic world?

Don't sweat the labels; a fun life is the best revenge.