Dark Forces

[jdguyb]

I feel the dark forces consuming me.
I must fight them away,
because it is evil that they decree
against my natural sway.

I draw my sword,
and prepare to strike.
Not a word, not a word,
this is not a debate but a fight.

I stab furiously at the darkness
and it feels the pain.
I hope I don't get too restless,
because it may go to my brain.

What do you do when your all alone?
At least that's how it feels.
If only I could call someone on the phone.

But my sword tastes demon blood.
No mercy, no remorse
I hope they don't cause a flood.
I'll let my sword run its course.

I taste victory after hours.
How much time has really gone by?
Maybe I'll pick a victory flower,
for my love on the fly.

[rowens]

More forced rhymes and filler lines. It gets out of hand when the subject is pulled here to there based mostly on rhymes. You could get the subject under control first, then find rhymes that work, instead of the other way around.

[Volaticus]

I feel the dark forces consuming me.
I must fight them away,
because it is evil that they decree
against my natural sway.

I draw my sword,
and prepare to strike.
Not a word, not a word,
this is not a debate but a fight.

I stab furiously at the darkness
and it feels the pain.
I hope I don't get too restless,
because it may go to my brain.

What do you do when your all alone?
At least that's how it feels.
If only I could call someone on the phone.

But my sword tastes demon blood.
No mercy, no remorse
I hope they don't cause a flood.
I'll let my sword run its course.

I taste victory after hours.
How much time has really gone by?
Maybe I'll pick a victory flower,
for my love on the fly.

Hi,
This poem, to me, feels a bit all over the place, with some loose ends here and there. It needs some tightening up. You could cut to the bone of what you want to say and work from there. Maybe try it without the rhymes, as I've learned that they can sometimes be restricting and/or distracting from an otherwise fine idea for a poem, like you have here.
There's a few too many cliches in there too for my taste, I'm afraid.
Typo: "What do you do when you're all alone?"
I hope I don't sound too harsh, just trying to help and all is JMHO
Best,
LB