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Senryu (July 29, '13)

Senryu (July 29, '13)
Volaticus Offline
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#1
07-30-2013, 08:01 AM

Bleeding heart
choking throat -
stray arrow.
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Volaticus Offline
Short Bread
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#2
07-31-2013, 01:39 AM
(07-30-2013, 11:26 PM)fogglethorpe Wrote:  Hi Volaticus..

Should I assume that "Bleeding heart" is literal? I am reading it figuratively, meaning "A do-gooder; someone with contrived or pretentious concern for others". In that context, this senryu confuses me.

Hi fogglethorpe,
Thanks for commenting Smile All three lines of the poem are meant to be taken literally. Does that make it less confusing? I tried to experiment a little with the form and was curious to see what critique the poem might get.
- Louise
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Aish Offline
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#3
08-01-2013, 03:49 PM
Since you said to take it literally I did, though I think it's just as potent (if less sanguine) metaphorically. Violence in senryu is new to me. A very interesting piece.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Volaticus Offline
Short Bread
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Posts: 280
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#4
08-02-2013, 05:11 AM
(08-01-2013, 03:49 PM)Aish Wrote:  Since you said to take it literally I did, though I think it's just as potent (if less sanguine) metaphorically. Violence in senryu is new to me. A very interesting piece.

Thanks so much Aish, for your feedback. The poem is meant to be taken literally. But originally I wanted every line to work metaphorically as well, but it ended up with being only the first two lines I felt had both levels.
Thanks again Smile
-LB
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