Bintan

[expiring_touch]

I stopped and smelt the orchid. Its heated
Fragrance made me dizzy, and goosebumps
Drifted up my arm, cross’d wrists and
down.
I tipped my hat out to the ocean,
Toe-dipping, finger-slipping
between the suns’ slit sands.
Tow away now
Me like one of them, great barges, steady,
my sweat your sweat, steaming.
My skin glows silver -
I am the candle
Not the moth.

[abu nuwas]

I am glad this was not in the serious section, as I would find it harder even than usual to helpfully critique. Lucky you for going to such a nice place! You paint a good sea-side holiday picture, and have agreat facility for differing speeds:

''Toe-dipping, finger-slipping
between the suns’ slit sands.''

immediately followed by a very slow line.

I am not sure about the ending , for two reasons. First, it begins with 'I' --and one can take the rest as 'I am an important chap/pess' With the exception of oneself, one feels that 'I' is best minimised in poetry. But what can it mean? If the writer is male ( I don't know) doesn't it just mean 'I am a gigolo'?

I enjoyed, a little enviously.

[jdguyb]

I don't know what to say. This poem flows kinda weird and I don't understand where the final two lines fit in with the rest of the poem. The last two lines seem kind of random.