Let me out

[Sonata]

Darkness
within me
Paleness
surrounds me
Bareness
is all I see
Sickness
is all I breathe

A white hole filled-
with black,
A slow car running down-
the fast track,
A miracle that you pray for-
but as time passes by,
your hope becomes a shipwreck

Sickness
within me
Bareness
surrounds me
Paleness
is all I see
Darkness
is all I breathe

[tectak]

Darkness
within me
Paleness
surrounds me
Bareness
is all I see
Sickness
is all I breathe

It might be a whip;
pulls me back
Or a act of gyp
hideous, despicable
it matters no longer
But,
as long as I'm here
I won't be able to hear
The God's will
let me out

Hi sonata
This starts off well. Sometimes a strict da da da dee da rhythm brings a sense of drama to a piece because of the almost pagan drumming it summons up...changing it works too, if you WANT to signal a breaking down of order. To pull this off, you need to make the intent, wait for it...intentional.
In S1, you might consider dropping the last line so that the whole stanza is completed within that rhythmical framework.
da da da dee da
da da da dee da
da da da dee da dee

Now you have shown intent you can start to crack up in an equally intentional way. The meter in S2 is, at the moment, just too fragmented. Accordingly, it reads as though you don't know what you are doing...not the character (which is the intent), but you.
Try rewriting the second stanza with a line by line reduction in the meter count...until the last line reads with poignancy "Let me out"
Best,
tectak

[Sonata]

Italics are some sort of a special effect,
Lets say this is a song, those would be sang by back vocals

I edited like a half of the poem tactak, feel free to check out

[tectak]

Good edit, better rhythm, conclusive wrap. The hyphenated end lines are bizarre, as would be dashes. Dashes are rarely used singly, and when used in a pair the contained phrase should be supplemental or informative. If you are using the dash as a pause, ask first if a comma, semi colon or colon would do the job. If no, then nor does a dash. I know what effect you are trying to instill in to the reading and to a limited degree it works--in this poem, in this position--but you do not use the "device" consistently so we are left wondering if YOU know what you are trying to achieve.
Darkness
within me
Paleness
surrounds me
Bareness
is all I see
Sickness
is all I breathe

A white hole filled-
with black,
A slow car running down-
the fast track,
A miracle that you pray for-
but as time passes by,
your hope becomes a shipwreck You mix metaphors at your peril...if one esoteric metaphor obscures meaning, four in a row obliterates it.

Sickness
within me
Bareness
surrounds me
Paleness
is all I see
Darkness consider dankness as in dank air. It is more veracious than trying to inhale darkess
is all I breathe

I say yes to this, sonata. Though you hide your meaning as if contraband I need only to put it through X-ray to get an identifiable outline...you may think that's all the reader is entitled to...after all, it is YOUR poem. Yes?
Very best,
tectak