Cow Town (language warning) (EDIT 1)

[TheWall0912]

EDIT 1

Rebel with nowhere to go,
no room here to change or grow.
It's too small for me to see,
what the world can offer me.

Taxis, people, and parties,
somewhere I would rather be.
Put my old life in a box,
close it up, make sure it locks.

But my world is filled with green,
trapped for miles without concrete.
No one ever leaves this town.
There they are, the fucking cows.

ORIGINAL

Rebel with nowhere to go,
no room here to change or grow.
Little fish in a big sea,
what the world can offer me.

Taxis, people, and parties,
somewhere I would rather be.
Put my old life on a shelf,
to make a name for myself.

But my world is fields of green,
trapped for miles without concrete.
No one ever leaves this town.
There they are, the fucking cows.

[ireland4scots]

Nice, very nice! I especially can see a connection between the cows and the people of the town. All they do is the same thing in the same place and never leave. Love it!

[Robbie Reaper]

Rebel with nowhere to go,
no room here to change or grow.
Little fish in a big sea,
what the world can offer me.

Taxis, people, and parties,
somewhere I would rather be.
Put my old life on a shelf,
to make a name for myself.

But my world is fields of green,
trapped for miles without concrete.
No one ever leaves this town.
There they are, the fucking cows.

Hello,

This composition is rather comical - and unfortunately, I can relate to the subject a bit... (Thankfully I moved out of my hometown). Lol.

Funny work,
Robbie Reaper

[tectak]

Rebel with nowhere to go,
no room here to change or grow.
Little fish in a big sea,
what the world can offer me.

Taxis, people, and parties,
somewhere I would rather be.
Put my old life on a shelf,
to make a name for myself.

But my world is fields of green,
trapped for miles without concrete.
No one ever leaves this town.
There they are, the fucking cows.

Hi,
I've read this several times...not because I love it but because I want to discover why it is at once so conceptually good yet so irritatingly banal...and you know what, I've got it!
It's the cliches.
This piece could be made into a keeper.
You have a great idea, here, but you have not made the best of it.
Cliche count;
little fish, big sea (pond OK but no escape )
world can offer me
life on a shelf (a bit unfair maybe...but shelf life keeps jumping of the page)
make a name for myself
fields of green

...BUT this is me liking it.
Try an edit with less cliches. It may be tough but it will be worth it.
Best,
tectak