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Nerves engulfed me from head to toe
I had doubts but you'd never know
Freshly picked flowers were clutched in my hand
Repeatedly telling myself you were the right man
My dad held my arm to give me away
He knew his little girl could no longer stay
The look when you saw me was pure admiration
As I walked down the aisle with anticipation
In your tuxedo you stood tall and proud
Smiling as "The Wedding March" played out loud
The rings were out
We exchanged vows
I said "I do."
And so did you
Posts: 136
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Joined: Dec 2012
(07-17-2013, 02:21 AM)TheWall0912 Wrote: Nerves engulfed me from head to toe Engulfed in nerves head to toe
I had doubts but you'd never know
Freshly picked flowers were clutched in my hand
Repeatedly telling myself you were the right man this seems to lose the flow, perhaps drop repeatedly
My dad held my arm to give me away
He knew his little girl could no longer stay
The look when you saw me was pure admiration
As I walked down the aisle with anticipation
In your tuxedo you stood tall and proud
Smiling as "The Wedding March" played out loud do you need "as" or "out loud"?
The rings were out the rings were exchanged?
We exchanged vows we spoke our vows
I said "I do."
And so did you
Sweet love story. A few suggestions for input to be binned
at will. I see you deferred on punctuation, doesn't bother me.
My best,
Heart
Posts: 15
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Joined: May 2013
(07-17-2013, 02:21 AM)TheWall0912 Wrote: Nerves engulfed me from head to toe
I had doubts but you'd never know
Freshly picked flowers were clutched in my hand
Repeatedly telling myself you were the right man
My dad held my arm to give me away
He knew his little girl could no longer stay
The look when you saw me was pure admiration
As I walked down the aisle with anticipation
In your tuxedo you stood tall and proud
Smiling as "The Wedding March" played out loud
The rings were out -
We exchanged vows- I feel like this and the above line may throw off rythem and or ryhme scheme especially the second line.
I said "I do."
And so did you
Really sweet poem, I hope it was about your first hand experience it sounds like lovely day. As for those two lines every time I read it the non rhyme threw me off, but maybe that's just me. Thanks for the read!
Posts: 70
Threads: 23
Joined: Jul 2013
Thank you for the responses. I just started writing poetry and find it very fun and relaxing. I appreciate the comments.
