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there's that young girl
with a boy in the
back seat of a car
using her lips
for the second time
this week, his hand on her head
pushing it viciously
he's whispering cliche
love phrases
manipulating her mind
as she giggles
and finally feels
warmth and worth
maybe it's the way
he caresses her breast
that makes her feel loved
but little, does she know
after he finishes swimming
that guy he's out
and she's still left with
her insecurities to fight
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05-31-2010, 12:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-31-2010, 12:33 PM by billy.)
but little, does she know
after he finishes swimming
that guy he's out
[guy is out,] or
[that guy, he's out]
and she's still left with
her insecurities to fight
for me it's one of your better writes LB.
i wouldn't change a thing apart from what i pointed out in the last verse. well done.
ps. i put a subject warning in the heading for those who aren't keen on oral sex 
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Oh! Excuse the vulgar. It was apart of the poem. and was to make a point. but, thanks for the feed back.
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(05-31-2010, 12:45 PM)Loveblind Wrote: Oh! Excuse the vulgar. It was apart of the poem. and was to make a point. but, thanks for the feed back.
vulgar is good
just type (content warning) for those who think it isn't
in the subject heading.
on here we can write about anything inside a poem LB.
so please don't take it as a warning.
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Lol. Thanks... But, Next time, I remember the warning(depending on the content) for the much younger. You know, some people aren't too open with subjects like this.
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(05-31-2010, 12:52 PM)Loveblind Wrote: Lol. Thanks... But, Next time, I remember the warning(depending on the content) for the much younger. You know, some people aren't too open with subjects like this.
actually i'm not that bothered about kids reading it. they're the responsibility of their parents. at the heart of the content warning is the adult who isn't in to poems of a sexual or violent nature. as far as kids are concerned, (content warning ) means (read me now )
thanks for understanding
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good poem.
Bianca 
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It hurt a little to read this, because I feel for all the girls out there who are being emotionally taken advantage of (sometimes the boys dont even do it on purpose... they just dont know any better). Still this was a brave piece, and its vulgar for the correct reason so no worries. Thanks for this LB
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
.