Music

[Vistaldust]

Music is a string
that holds us close together
in Ether's villa.

[rowens]

You can smudge out one of those ins before somebody important sees it.

[Vistaldust]

Thanks Rowan!

[Volaticus]

Music is a string
that holds us close together
in Ether's villa.

Hi Vistaldust,
I really like what you're conveying with the poem.
I have a few thoughts for you to maybe consider.
For me, it would have a bigger impact if it had said 'mother's', 'grandma's' etc villa, instead of an actual name.

It also feels a bit wordy. I've given an example (sorry it's not the best example, I'm tired), on how you could tighten the poem.

Music; a string
holding us together
in Ether's villa

I'm also a novice on this short form poetry, so this is of course JMHO for you to use or discard as you wish.

Best,
LB

[Vistaldust]

Music is a string
that holds us close together
in Ether's villa.

Hi Vistaldust,
I really like what you're conveying with the poem.
I have a few thoughts for you to maybe consider.
For me, it would have a bigger impact if it had said 'mother's', 'grandma's' etc villa, instead of an actual name.

It also feels a bit wordy. I've given an example (sorry it's not the best example, I'm tired), on how you could tighten the poem.

Music; a string
holding us together
in Esther's villa

I'm also a novice on this short form poetry, so this is of course JMHO for you to use or discard as you wish.

Best,
LB

Thank you, Volaticus. You know, I sat with that space empty for a long time (Ether). I didn't know what the hell to put there. I wanted it to mean something strong, and I should have went to something personal that had meaning to me. Thank you!!