"Constricted" Poem by 15 year old male.

[AdamPaulBentley]

Constricted.
Aimlessly pondering the thought of our existence;
While my love for you grows.

Bewildered.
Expressing the emotion in spiteful agony;
Constant depression is all that she knows.

Flustered.
Forever indulged in the paranoid temptations;
Hoping one day she will justify her creation.

Constricted.
Apprehensively keeping the thought to myself;
Hoping one day she will come out of her shell.


Thank you for reading, I would very much appreciate any all feedback.

[abc_dragon_000]

Nice structure! It would be fun trying to write your next poem exploring the opposite of not using any words of emotions but letting people guess what's beneath those words

[rowens]

Constricted.
Aimlessly pondering the thought of our existence;
While my love for you grows.

As an 800 year old drunken male: don't ponder that thought; it'll only depress her more.

[LaughGiraffe]

I agree with abc_dragon that you should try to be a little more metaphorical and allow the reader to draw the meaning out. But it's still a good poem. My faaaaavorite line is "Hoping one day she will justify her creation". I like how you kind of explore both sides of a budding relationship, the unsure boy carefully expressing himself and the guarded girl who's too caught up in her own misery to allow herself to be cared for