A Smoking Arch Angel

[jdguyb]

I need a cigarette
The filtered cigars aren't cutting it
A Marlboro Red 100 would be perfect
But where does all my money go?
It goes to cigarettes
Maybe I'll bum a cigarette from somebody
Oh the deep cravings
They tear me apart
All I know is I need a real cigarette
The sweet taste of smoke
Soothing my lungs
I know I'll die a black death
Unless my Arch Angel parts work
Supposedly because I am an Arch Angel
Smoking is bad for you, not me
I revel in all its glory
Smoking feels so good
Especially after coffee
Coffee and cigarettes
The perfect combo
These two magic elixers fill me with satisfaction
Where does the time go?
It goes to cigarettes
One an hour
My friend said
"I hate double diamonds"
I don't mind them too much
But they only satisfy me somewhat
I really could go for a Marlboro
But until I have the money
Double Diamonds will have to do
At least there's this
Im not smoking marijuana
Marijuana is the enemy
Never is there a time
Never
That I don't have a bad trip
I'll never smoke that stuff again
I fear for my life
The panic attacks killed me once
But never again
It happened so fast
The seizures
The fear that I was really a retard
It happened so fast
Panic attack!
My friend says "Your a retard"
And it clicked so hard
So hard I died
Dead
I see god
He says "Your going to hell"
I scream "I want to be an angel!"
Then my lungs breathed life again
I walked out of my room
Colin Said "You died!"
I said "I know"
It was a miracle I was a live again
A miracle
Alive to smoke more cigarettes and weed
I should have learned my lesson
But I didn't
The pain
The Agony
AT least there's this
I didn't die again
I smoked more weed
And had more bad trips
Finally I left FLorida
And moved to CT with my mother
No weed
No Cocain
NO cigarettes
Withdrawls clicked in
All I could do was tourture my mother
Like she was attacking me with magic
Dark MAgic
But of course
She wasn't
It was just my warped mind
Playing evil tricks on me
Evil
Was it Satan?
Does Satan exist?
No he doesn't
Keep telling yourself that
But the past is gone now
Left in the cold
No need to dwell
The glory came
God transformed me into an arch angel
Such glory
I am an Arch Angel of death
I don't take life away
Im just bad ass
The adventures continue
I fear my job
Cleansing the earth
But I Pray
ray for what? For it to happen!
Training I call it
Do angels fly?
The mystery swirls around my head
IF so, when is it my turn?
I remember
Tears
Holding me back
Don't jump from the third story landing
Angels don't fly
The tears of another flowed through my heart
Angels don't fly
They always tell me
Be awesome because your waiting
Waiting for something that's not going to happen
How do I end this poem?
Man I need a cigarette

[cidermaid]

Hi,
sorry but I really struggled to find anything in this to give me some reader pleasure or images I could get hold of and think about.
It was not that the subject was lacking as such, but this just felt like a stream of rambling thoughts rather than a concious effort to offer something of interest put together with poetic art. The arch angel idea had my attention but then failed to deliver. It reads like multiple entries in a personal diary.
I think you could do an edit on this and it could be much improved by going back through this and reorganising the things you present into blocks of thought. Break it down into stanzas rather than one big block of text. Try to make each stanza present a picture or an idea that then makes a story or a picture overall.
I appoligise for being so blunt and as such these comments are JMHO someone else might have a different view altogether.
All the best AJ.

[scungebucket]

hi, i agree with the previous reply. in itself it has potential to be a good semi-stuctured and intriguing poem. i think that because of the constant flow of visuals you get distracted by it and it would take too much editing to become properly structured and would ruin the ideals of the poem in the progress. to be perfectly honest (and as least rude as possible) the overload of content kind of makes the mind wander and you tend to skip sections and make up the in-between yourself. however if you do re-structure into stanzas and edit it down i would be very interested to see if/how the content is affected.

[jdguyb]

Im sorry id it doesn't seem like a poem. I just had so much fun writing it I had to post it