Violet

[Volaticus]

(This is a translation of a poem I wrote a long time ago. It was simply a small experiment to see if it would work. I'm not sure it does, so I wondered what my fellow poets and critics would think?)

Violet

Whitest Violet -
noble and devout.
Her virtue
wilted;
a midsummer's drought.

[billy]

i like it. it's obviously not an epic but it's a good short.

the last line gives the reason for the wilt. i like the use of whitest violet

[Volaticus]

i like it. it's obviously not an epic but it's a good short.

the last line gives the reason for the wilt. i like the use of whitest violet

Hi billy,
Thanks a lot for your feedback, it's very much appreciated. I'm glad you like the poem.
Best,
Louise

[Malu]

I liked this poem too, especially how you showed how it went from the whitest violet to wilting. Thanks for the good read

[Volaticus]

Thanks Malu, I'm glad you liked it.

[ChristopherSea]

This is a fine warning of global warning, as the white violet has a shrinking range in the Americas due to a poor ability to respond to climate change! No drought needed. There may be more to this poem than you initially intended Louise./Chris http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viola_blanda

[Erthona]

I do like the rhyme of "devout" and "drought".

The problem I have with it is, "Violet" remains unknown an unidentified to the reader (unless you are making some oblique reference to "Love-in-idleness" which is actually a pansy), and so there is really no reason the reader should care what she did. There is also lacking enough clues to see her as representing a particular cultural archetype. Regardless, the last sentence, makes no sense at all. Rather it is not a sentence at all, but two dependent clauses linked by a semi-colon. If the semi-colon is removed then it reads,

"Her virtue wilted a midsummer's drought".

A sentence no doubt, but one with little meaning, unless her "virtue wilted a midsummer's drought". How does virtue wilt a midsummer's drought? What is more likely is that her loss of virtue wilts, or ends a midsummer's drought.

If alluding to the play, the flower indeed end's a midsummer's drought in several areas. Yet, the flower is not a violet, so I am at a loss as to what this poem is suppose to be about, or mean, or anything.

Maybe I am missing the point, if so hope you will enlighten me.

Dale

PS In Act II Scene I Oberon says:

"I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,
Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,
With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine:
There sleeps Titania"

[Volaticus]

This is a fine warning of global warning, as the white violet has a shrinking range in the Americas due to a poor ability to respond to climate change! No drought needed. There may be more to this poem than you initially intended Louise./Chris http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viola_blanda

Thanks Chris, much appreciated

[Volaticus]

I do like the rhyme of "devout" and "drought".

The problem I have with it is, "Violet" remains unknown an unidentified to the reader (unless you are making some oblique reference to "Love-in-idleness" which is actually a pansy), and so there is really no reason the reader should care what she did. There is also lacking enough clues to see her as representing a particular cultural archetype. Regardless, the last sentence, makes no sense at all. Rather it is not a sentence at all, but two dependent clauses linked by a semi-colon. If the semi-colon is removed then it reads,

"Her virtue wilted a midsummer's drought".

A sentence no doubt, but one with little meaning, unless her "virtue wilted a midsummer's drought". How does virtue wilt a midsummer's drought? What is more likely is that her loss of virtue wilts, or ends a midsummer's drought.

If alluding to the play, the flower indeed end's a midsummer's drought in several areas. Yet, the flower is not a violet, so I am at a loss as to what this poem is suppose to be about, or mean, or anything.

Maybe I am missing the point, if so hope you will enlighten me.

Dale

PS In Act II Scene I Oberon says:

"I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,
Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,
With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine:
There sleeps Titania"

Hi Dale,
Thanks a lot for your feedback, it's much appreciated.
I’ll try to explain what I wanted to say with the poem. I chose “Whitest” because I think it symbolizes purity. So the “Whitest Violet” is the purest of all the white violet flowers. But even the purest can succumb (“virtue wilted”) to unforeseeable or powerful forces, such as a midsummer drought. I should probably change “a” to “from” or “in” (or something like that) in the last line, for clarity. It’s an old poem (this is a translation of it), so I struggle to remember everything I thought of when I originally wrote it. Anyway, I hope this made it a bit clearer, as to what I tried to tell with the poem. Once again, thanks for commenting.

Best,
Louise

[emerald13]

Whitest Violet -
noble and devout.
Her virtue
wilted;
a midsummer's drought.

i dont what the form is you were going for ...
and i read the reviews and your replies .... so ... my take on it

midsummer
the whitest violet
wilting

or wilts ?

for me ... noble and devout, vitues are human traits we are placing upon this whitest of violets ... that you name it as THE whitest violet - the reader should know and get noble virtues - i prefer not to spoon feed a reader ... it is poetry after all ?

and wilting tells us its hot ... and dry ... ?

please ignore my suggestions and ramblings if they are of no use to you
i comment because i see/read something i relate to .. or like

really really like this premise of your poem

>>> Gina

[Volaticus]

Whitest Violet -
noble and devout.
Her virtue
wilted;
a midsummer's drought.

i dont what the form is you were going for ...
and i read the reviews and your replies .... so ... my take on it

midsummer
the whitest violet
wilting

or wilts ?

for me ... noble and devout, vitues are human traits we are placing upon this whitest of violets ... that you name it as THE whitest violet - the reader should know and get noble virtues - i prefer not to spoon feed a reader ... it is poetry after all ?

and wilting tells us its hot ... and dry ... ?

please ignore my suggestions and ramblings if they are of no use to you
i comment because i see/read something i relate to .. or like

really really like this premise of your poem

>>> Gina

Hi Gina,
Thanks for taking time to read and comment. I completely agree with you, that some of the words are implied by other words, making them redundant. I don't plan on revising this poem further though, it's old and tired and has been put to rest. But still many thanks for commenting
Best,
LB