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On Forgotten History
From musket sprays to cannon waves
Echoes cry out from silent graves
From gunners grips to cold steel ships
The generals cry out from silent lips
Did they ever know their fate was so clear?
Even brave hearts of courage play with fear
Arlington knows the courage it keeps
Buried below where the soldier sleeps
The battles still rage in a veteran's soul
Louder than a lecture hall's picture show.
We hear of the past with ageless depiction,
But hold of its essence as though it were fiction
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(07-01-2013, 04:21 AM)Vistaldust Wrote: On Forgotten History
From musket sprays to cannon waves nice internal rhyme
Echoes cry out from silent graves would it flow better if you removed 'out'?
From gunners grips to cold steel ships just my opinion, but I find 'cold steel' to be a mouthful that interrupts the flow
The generals cry out from silent lips same question on 'out'?
Did they ever know their fate was so clear?
Even brave hearts of courage play with fear a bit of an obvious rhyme here. i would encourage you to get creative 
Arlington knows the courage it keeps
Buried below where the soldier sleeps i love these two lines!
The battles still rage in a veteran's soul
Louder than a lecture hall's picture show. hmm I think you should use a stronger example. A lecture hall's picture show might be loud, but it doesn't convey the trauma or distress that exists in the soul of a veteran
We hear of the past with ageless depiction,
But hold of its essence as though it were fiction I love the way you end this piece. It captures that distance we maintain between ourselves and the bloodshed and strife throughout human history
Thought provoking and enjoyable to read. Thank you!!
Posts: 337
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(07-01-2013, 04:21 AM)Vistaldust Wrote: On Forgotten History
From musket sprays to cannon waves
Echoes cry out from silent graves
From gunners grips to cold steel ships
The generals cry out from silent lips full stop.
Did they ever know their fate was so clear?
Even brave hearts of courage play with fear
Arlington knows the courage it keeps
Buried below where the soldier sleeps [b]full stop
The battles still rage in a veteran's soul
Louder than a lecture hall's picture show.
We hear of the past with ageless depiction,
But hold of its essence as though it were fiction period!
great poem. really like the imagery of the resting soldier, and the theme of fate
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
