Baked Fish Sticks

[bluebird]

Baked Fish sticks never tasted so good.
The hot burning touch on my tongue.
The batter that's too thick.
The fish that is too thin.
Yet the fishy smell lingers,
making it a baked fishy stick.

They're battery and buttery.
Hardly any butter.
Butter would be tastier.
Butter would be yummy.
But Butter makes you fat.
Makes you swell and grow.
Makes you sick with yourself.

Batter is no better butter.
It's just as fattening.
The first few bites, yummy.
The next few are just gross.
Fish would have been nice.
Not so much buttered batter.

Buttered batter makes my bitter better.
What a line!
But really, its gross.
I am bitter.
The fish sticks make me bitterer.
A self-loathing, self-hating,
buttered battered fish stick eater.

[billy]

i liked the read but it seems toi be in conflict content wise.

They're battery and buttery.
Hardly any butter.

look out for redundancies,
hot burning, or burning hot. why not
that scorch my tongue (an example)

the last stanza i found to be very sad.
i hope you don't take this the wrong way but it might be a great poem to read to kids. it has a roald dahl feel to it.

[jblue1622]

I love it, because I also hate being fat, and understand it's core theme, that we love eating fatty foods, but hate what they do to us after we eat them and begin loathing ourselves for doing so. I like the change through the poem, I think it flows well, and I can't seem to think of anything to change, even the redundancy of the second line to me seems necessary. "What a line!" you might perhaps consider removing, although it has sort of sardonic inflection to me to it. Anyway great read, I hope to see more of your stuff!

[allykat727]

This piece was quite unique. At first, I thought... 'really? a poem about fish sticks?' But I read on and loved it. The last few lines are very powerful. In an attempt to give some criticism, I might suggest replacing 'gross' in the final stanza with a synonym since you use gross in the 3rd stanza. Thanks for the read

[moose]

I like how easy it is to relate to. Im sure we've all been so excited to eat a particular junk food then once we eat it we realize wow I shouldn't of eaten that then had remorse shortly after. I liked the first line off the fourth stanza. It basically summed up the whole poem.

[Bunx]

yes, this poem. pure buttery gold. all i could think about was frying up some buttered trout. as fars are critique goes, i feel as if your trying to highlight the absurdity of eating so many fish sticks. but sadly this poem wont work on me great job!

[Vistaldust]

Baked Fish sticks never tasted so good.
The hot burning touch on my tongue.
The batter that's too thick.
The fish that is too thin.
Yet the fishy smell lingers,
making it a baked fishy stick.

They're battery and buttery.
Hardly any butter.
Butter would be tastier.
Butter would be yummy.
But Butter makes you fat.
Makes you swell and grow.
Makes you sick with yourself.

Batter is no better butter.
It's just as fattening.
The first few bites, yummy.
The next few are just gross.
Fish would have been nice.
Not so much buttered batter.

Buttered batter makes my bitter better.
What a line!
But really, its gross.
I am bitter.
The fish sticks make me bitterer.
A self-loathing, self-hating,
buttered battered fish stick eater.

Very nice use of alliteration with the B's. I am a novice and trying to learn how to read poetry. Yo give a good description of how the taste affects you. If I can offer any suggestion, I would say it's story-like, kind of a Sam I Am, Green eggs and Ham. But hey, what do I know.

[newsclippings]

Fish sticks and tartar sauce, delish.

[bluebird]

Thank you everyone for your comments. This was my first attempt at poetry and am glad that I got such an encouraging response. Thanks Again