Posts: 14
Threads: 4
Joined: Feb 2013
It's been a while. I'll be on and off sporadically, I guess. Until I come up with poems worthy of sharing.
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Hurriedly hurriedly,
Rapidly, fasterly,
Quicker pulses run high.
Salt lingers where tears dry.
Weeds sprawl when left to grow;
Vines catch in crooks of toes.
Seasons always conspire,
Never outrun the fire.
Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
i really like this poem//i think it could be used as a chorus for a song//no one likes my poems
but i still post them anyways to improve whatever poetry chops i have//thanks for posting
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 14
Threads: 4
Joined: Feb 2013
Thanks for the feedback. I think you're right, and ill probably edit the meter a bit to make the flow better. As for it sounding like a song chorus, I came up with it while listening to music so perhaps that could be why
Posts: 8
Threads: 10
Joined: Jun 2013
(06-18-2013, 01:00 AM)jormungandr Wrote: It's been a while. I'll be on and off sporadically, I guess. Until I come up with poems worthy of sharing.
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Hurriedly hurriedly,
Rapidly, fasterly,
Quicker pulses run high.
Salt lingers where tears dry.
Weeds sprawl when left to grow;
Vines catch in crooks of toes.
Seasons always conspire,
Never outrun the fire.
I agree. The word "fasterly" should not have been used while you were writing this composition. I understand that you were trying to have four words have the "ly" suffix. (Which is creative in a way, and a bit of a challenge). But you should never make up a word to do so. (It takes away credibility from the poem, and besides, it's a cheap shortcut). As for the rest of the poem, it's decent enough.
-Robbie Reaper
