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She was charming and intriguing.
In the way she carried herself, She employed no girlish airs for she was not a girl.
She wore the wounds of broken passions. Old beyond her years her eyes where youthful but experienced
Delicate and gracious, she gifted us with a fleeting smile. Any man would be blessed to receive it.
Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
her hair, careless and lustrous; complimented her playful, rouged, pouting, lips.
She understood you just as you would like to be understood.
She had was modest, expected nothing of anyone.
Bit stuck any help?
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i would add to her (his) actually physical characteristics
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 15
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Joined: May 2013
lol his?
She was charming and intriguing.
In the way she carried herself, She employed no girlish airs for she was no young thing.
She wore the wounds of broken passions. Old beyond her years her eyes where youthful but experienced
Delicate and gracious, she gift' us with a fleeting smile.
Any man would be blessed to receive it.
Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
her hair, careless and lustrous; complimented her playful, rouged, pouting, lips.
She understood you just as you would like to be understood.
Perfectly modest, she expected nothing of anyone.
perhaps that ammendment will clear that up a bit
Posts: 123
Threads: 15
Joined: Jun 2013
(06-17-2013, 02:09 AM)ernestgoodwell Wrote: She was charming and intriguing.
In the way she carried herself, She employed no girlish airs for she was not a girl.
You explained how she carries herself as "charming and intriguing" I think you could cut out" in the way she carried herself" completely. I also think you can say that "she is no girl" and we will get what you mean.
She wore the wounds of broken passions. Old beyond her years her eyes where youthful but experienced
I think you can lose "the" in She wore the wounds of broken passions. also dont see the need to explain the same thing twice, "old beyond her years" and "her eyes "were" youthful but experienced. I believe you can do away with old beyond her years as it just isnt needed.
Delicate and gracious, she gifted us with a fleeting smile. Any man would be blessed to receive it.personally i see the poem ending after "she gifted us with a fleeting smile" the following after it just seems too much.
Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
her hair, careless and lustrous; complimented her playful, rouged, pouting, lips.
She understood you just as you would like to be understood.
She had was modest, expected nothing of anyone.
Bit stuck any help?
I like some of it, I think you got a nice piece to develop.
Posts: 15
Threads: 4
Joined: May 2013
Charming and intriguing.
She employed no girlish airs for she was no young thing.
With wounds of broken passions. Her youthful eyes where experienced
Delicate and gracious, she gift' us with a fleeting smile.
Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
her hair, careless and lustrous; complimented her playful, rouged, pouting, lips.
She understood you just as you would like to be understood.
Perfectly modest, she expected nothing of anyone But herself.
Her weighted expectations lay upon her weary shoulders.
Her tired unyielding gaze saw past us all.
Her mind on higher things.
Better?
