Hello, I just joined the website, and I gave feedback to a few of you in "mild critique". I am brand new at writing poetry, and want suggestions on how to get better!
A warm summer’s night, the stars shining bright.
I look at the sky, and think about life.
What’s out there in space? Are we all alone?
How small is the earth, this place we call home?
Were we created, or was it by chance?
And isn’t it odd, how far we’ve advanced?
Will death be an end? Or rather a start?
Why is there hatred, In so many hearts?
Who has the answers, for all of my thoughts?
The temple or church? The monk or the mosque?
Too many questions, no answer in sight.
Just me and the stars, on this summer’s night.
Posts: 45
Threads: 9
Joined: Apr 2013
(06-02-2013, 09:38 PM)JerseyPoet1 Wrote: Hello, I just joined the website, and I gave feedback to a few of you in "mild critique". I am brand new at writing poetry, and want suggestions on how to get better!
A warm summer’s night, the stars shining bright.This line sounds like its from a song
I look at the sky, and think about life.This does too, and the song was much better phrased: 'Written in the stars, a million miles away, a message to the main'. These two lines you've written are pretty much putting me to sleep.
What’s out there in space? Are we all alone?
How small is the earth, this place we call home?
Were we created, or was it by chance?
And isn’t it odd, how far we’ve advanced?
Will death be an end? Or rather a start?This is a good line. And its a cliche.
Why is there hatred, In so many hearts?Why is there hatred in so many hearts?
Who has the answers, for all of my thoughts?
The temple or church? The monk or the mosque?Good rhyme
Too many questions, no answer in sight.
Just me and the stars, on this summer’s night.
Hey first of all, your supposed to give critique in this section, to post here. Also, be sure to proof read more than once, in case you miss any grammar/punctuation mistakes.
This poem is boring. Your lines use very basic english, which is the main reason for it being boring. I'm not telling you to go find 'big' words to use, but learn to phrase things differently. This is read in a monotonous voice, and it just gives off this uninteresting vibe. There seems to be some attempt at philosophy, but I can't really really tell through all the humdrum. Post in novice and mild first. Don't say your brand new and post here.
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(06-03-2013, 12:59 AM)Zerric Wrote: (06-02-2013, 09:38 PM)JerseyPoet1 Wrote: Hello, I just joined the website, and I gave feedback to a few of you in "mild critique". I am brand new at writing poetry, and want suggestions on how to get better!
A warm summer’s night, the stars shining bright.This line sounds like its from a song
I look at the sky, and think about life.This does too, and the song was much better phrased: 'Written in the stars, a million miles away, a message to the main'. These two lines you've written are pretty much putting me to sleep.
What’s out there in space? Are we all alone?
How small is the earth, this place we call home?
Were we created, or was it by chance?
And isn’t it odd, how far we’ve advanced?
Will death be an end? Or rather a start?This is a good line. And its a cliche.
Why is there hatred, In so many hearts?Why is there hatred in so many hearts?
Who has the answers, for all of my thoughts?
The temple or church? The monk or the mosque?Good rhyme
Too many questions, no answer in sight.
Just me and the stars, on this summer’s night.
Hey first of all, your supposed to give critique in this section, to post here. Also, be sure to proof read more than once, in case you miss any grammar/punctuation mistakes.
This poem is boring. Your lines use very basic english, which is the main reason for it being boring. I'm not telling you to go find 'big' words to use, but learn to phrase things differently. This is read in a monotonous voice, and it just gives off this uninteresting vibe. There seems to be some attempt at philosophy, but I can't really really tell through all the humdrum. Post in novice and mild first. Don't say your brand new and post here. Zeric,
....I agree with the crit but a bit harsh on the person...you can post here even if still in the foetal sack....and you are entitled to if you crit, without the use of awesome, wow or blown away, in mild or novice.
It is, however, a foolish fellow who says I'm new....what say you?
Best,
tectak
Posts: 45
Threads: 9
Joined: Apr 2013
(06-07-2013, 06:44 PM)tectak Wrote: (06-03-2013, 12:59 AM)Zerric Wrote: (06-02-2013, 09:38 PM)JerseyPoet1 Wrote: Hello, I just joined the website, and I gave feedback to a few of you in "mild critique". I am brand new at writing poetry, and want suggestions on how to get better!
A warm summer’s night, the stars shining bright.This line sounds like its from a song
I look at the sky, and think about life.This does too, and the song was much better phrased: 'Written in the stars, a million miles away, a message to the main'. These two lines you've written are pretty much putting me to sleep.
What’s out there in space? Are we all alone?
How small is the earth, this place we call home?
Were we created, or was it by chance?
And isn’t it odd, how far we’ve advanced?
Will death be an end? Or rather a start?This is a good line. And its a cliche.
Why is there hatred, In so many hearts?Why is there hatred in so many hearts?
Who has the answers, for all of my thoughts?
The temple or church? The monk or the mosque?Good rhyme
Too many questions, no answer in sight.
Just me and the stars, on this summer’s night.
Hey first of all, your supposed to give critique in this section, to post here. Also, be sure to proof read more than once, in case you miss any grammar/punctuation mistakes.
This poem is boring. Your lines use very basic english, which is the main reason for it being boring. I'm not telling you to go find 'big' words to use, but learn to phrase things differently. This is read in a monotonous voice, and it just gives off this uninteresting vibe. There seems to be some attempt at philosophy, but I can't really really tell through all the humdrum. Post in novice and mild first. Don't say your brand new and post here. Zeric,
....I agree with the crit but a bit harsh on the person...you can post here even if still in the foetal sack....and you are entitled to if you crit, without the use of awesome, wow or blown away, in mild or novice.
It is, however, a foolish fellow who says I'm new....what say you?
Best,
tectak
heh heh yea i guess it was a bit harsh 
Sorry, JerseyPoet1...
Posts: 29
Threads: 5
Joined: Apr 2013
Hey well done for trying the rhyme and rhythm scheme. You have been fairly successful.
This poem is currently a lot of questions - and questions that people have asked through the years. So there are not surprises in the questions. If there were it might be a different matter.
If I were you, I would start, instead with what you know ... ie what you can see, feel, hear, etc. Or an opinion on something. Try to describe it as clearly as possible. If you can't describe something directly, try a comparison.
Take the opposite tack; instead of asking lots of questions that loads of people ask, try giving an answer only you can.
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