Limbo

[c.gutzwiller]

Above the earth, beneath the sky,
Lost within my imperfection
Searching through the compasses
Trying to define direction
Maps around my head are muddled
All without a destination
Staring at them, losing focus
Craving my determination
I've held a purpose in my past
I've let a purpose hold me back
All lead to this same precipice
An ultimatum on the track
Words are vacant, vast and pale
Sieves through which our feelings drain
Praying to be caught somewhere
In silence that has shared the pain
Hold me, lead me, take me up
Shake this apathy that binds me
Show me where and how to go
Before my emptiness defines me

[milo]

Above the earth, beneath the sky,
Lost within my imperfection
Searching through the compasses
Trying to define direction
Maps around my head are muddled
All without a destination
Staring at them, losing focus
Craving my determination
I've held a purpose in my past
I've let a purpose hold me back
All lead to this same precipice
An ultimatum on the track
Words are vacant, vast and pale
Sieves through which our feelings drain
Praying to be caught somewhere
In silence that has shared the pain
Hold me, lead me, take me up
Shake this apathy that binds me
Show me where and how to go
Before my emptiness defines me

You have mostly maintained a good meter throughout this piece which is pretty good. You should start to watch out as cliches try to sneak into your writing (shared the pain). You biggest struggle here is dealing with abstraction and wordiness and false logic. (No one is either literally or metaphorically "searching through compasses", the effect is rather cartoonish)

Thanks for sharing.

[billy]

lots of intangibles, what does phrases like;
An ultimatum on the track
and
Words are vacant, vast and pale
try and not mix the meanings of what's being stated.
gives us something solid, use an image or two.

Sieves through which our feelings drain

is a great line. it works

so does;

Maps around my head are muddled

but they don't sit well within the poem which in the main says very very little too many times.

Above the earth, beneath the sky,
Lost within my imperfection
Searching through the compasses
Trying to define direction
Maps around my head are muddled
All without a destination
Staring at them, losing focus
Craving my determination
I've held a purpose in my past
I've let a purpose hold me back
All lead to this same precipice
An ultimatum on the track
Words are vacant, vast and pale
Sieves through which our feelings drain
Praying to be caught somewhere
In silence that has shared the pain
Hold me, lead me, take me up
Shake this apathy that binds me
Show me where and how to go
Before my emptiness defines me

[R.C. KITCHENS]

Above the earth, beneath the sky,
Lost within my imperfection
Searching through the compasses
Trying to define direction
Maps around my head are muddled
All without a destination
Staring at them, losing focus
Craving my determination
I've held a purpose in my past
I've let a purpose hold me back
All lead to this same precipice
An ultimatum on the track
Words are vacant, vast and pale
Sieves through which our feelings drain
Praying to be caught somewhere
In silence that has shared the pain
Hold me, lead me, take me up
Shake this apathy that binds me
Show me where and how to go
Before my emptiness defines me

"Maps around my head are muddled" This line is great to me. I like the flow of the piece. I wonder how words are vacant vast and pale. Some imagery could show that, but, it'd probably take away from the flow of the piece. I also liked "Sieves through which our feelings drain" a great line. I think you might be able to do something with "words are vacant, vast and pale" maybe try something different there and if it doenst work leave it as it is.

[c.gutzwiller]

[quote='c.gutzwiller' pid='129493' dateline='1370977168']
Above the earth, beneath the sky,
Lost within my imperfection
Searching through the compasses
Trying to define direction
Maps around my head are muddled
All without a destination
Staring at them, losing focus
Craving my determination
I've held a purpose in my past
I've let a purpose hold me back
All lead to this same precipice
An ultimatum on the track
Words are vacant, vast and pale
Sieves through which our feelings drain
Praying to be caught somewhere
In silence that has shared the pain
Hold me, lead me, take me up
Shake this apathy that binds me
Show me where and how to go
Before my emptiness defines me

I agree that I have a tendency toward cliches that I need to avoid and that this goes in too many directions without anything concrete. Thanks!