Dance so good
#1
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=1868&pid=128418#pid128418
Katie Jane Garside: Taxidermy


Just before the day I’ll be dying
more than a little,
let me show you some
of those cozy niches I discovered
wandering bravely along
my private paths of madness.

One of these hides up on a slope
at the backside of an ancient castle.
Back from the taxidermist you can
put my padded body next to you
on the low stone bench garlanded
by bushes of lilac and inhale the panorama
of the river delta far down below
with all its seven shades of green
and three shades of brown
and the azure of the sky being messed up
by the gray billowing clouds of sad memories.


Until then I’ll keep hovering above my nest
of stones that talk of neighbours.
I am unkempt and sweating,
nude except for the shadow
covering my genitals,
sipping from a small glass of cuba libre,
with my lungs feasting
on the biting smoke of my cigarette.

I open my mind like a begging hand
expecting metaphors like hummingbirds
to settle down on it and disturb
the perfect symmetry of the boredom of being.
At that flickering instance of the night,
when sleep catches your breath,
you tell the ruins of my mind
to dance so good.
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#2
ok? :-) whatever that is supposed to mean.

sigh
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#3
(06-07-2013, 10:42 PM)Heartafire Wrote:  I don't know what happened to my comment here. It has disappeared and I had nothing to do with it's disappearance. I remarked that I adore this poem and think it is absolutely brilliant, I am biased it is true, but can't imagine anyone not finding this utterly without fault.
"I open my mind like a begging hand
expecting metaphors like hummingbirds
to settle down on it and disturb
the perfect symmetry of the boredom of being.
At that flickering instance of the night,
when sleep catches your breath,
you tell the ruins of my mind
to dance so good. "

Bebe, this is outstanding writing, I apologize for the disappearance of my prior remarks... that is a mystery to me.
Kiss,
Holly
Yes heart, I could not agree more. This stanza is one of the most beautiful pieces of distilled cerebral spirit I have ever read. I am at once envious and glad I do not think this way...and that is the intoxicant. I want serge to think the thoughts I dare not, do not ,will not, cannot think...and without asking,he sometimes does. Don't tell him...it may inhibit him.
Best,
tectak
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#4
I absolutely love this poem.
Stanza 2 & 4 get my vote for some of outstanding lines. I particularly like... no actually I like all of it!
I've lost count of how many times i have revisted this one and each time i have wanted to offer some crit, but I think that actually I'm just going to give up on that idea because i like it so much.
All the best AJ.
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#5
thanks to all of you: Holly, Tom and AJ!
I hope you know that your feedback
really means a lot to me!
:-)

cheers

serge
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#6
(06-08-2013, 03:10 AM)tectak Wrote:  
(06-07-2013, 10:42 PM)Heartafire Wrote:  I don't know what happened to my comment here. It has disappeared and I had nothing to do with it's disappearance. I remarked that I adore this poem and think it is absolutely brilliant, I am biased it is true, but can't imagine anyone not finding this utterly without fault.
"I open my mind like a begging hand
expecting metaphors like hummingbirds
to settle down on it and disturb
the perfect symmetry of the boredom of being.
At that flickering instance of the night,
when sleep catches your breath,
you tell the ruins of my mind
to dance so good. "

Bebe, this is outstanding writing, I apologize for the disappearance of my prior remarks... that is a mystery to me.
Kiss,
Holly
Yes heart, I could not agree more. This stanza is one of the most beautiful pieces of distilled cerebral spirit I have ever read. I am at once envious and glad I do not think this way...and that is the intoxicant. I want serge to think the thoughts I dare not, do not ,will not, cannot think...and without asking,he sometimes does. Don't tell him...it may inhibit him.
Best,
tectak

I really wish my writing could do without the sad and messy part. I once wrote a poem titled tipsy cakewalk, and that - metaphorically speaking - would be the ideal combination :-)
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