Towards

[Cortical]

All this time I've walked
Alone
Towards endings I have not known

Never free, never willing
Dying
I am only following

The call of something beautiful awoken
Fierce and strong
Loving it will leave me broken

All this time I'll walk
Towards endings
That have forever waited

[Brownlie]

All this time I've walked
Alone
Towards endings I have not known

Never free, never willing
Dying
I am only following

The call of something beautiful awoken
Fierce and strong
Loving it will leave me broken

All this time I'll walk
Towards endings
That have forever waited

This whole poem is too abstract. There is no punctuaion and grammar is important in poetry (I suck with the grammar myself). Words like alone especially as a whole line are just abstract and meaningless to a degree. We don't know who the narrator is and the poem is written in the first person. To be honest you simply don't have much here but a bunch of abstractions, these vague words that don't refer to anything visible don't communicate much. Don't get discouraged you can improve most people are not born great poets good poets study poetry and grow. Thanks for posting.

[Cortical]

All this time I've walked
Alone
Towards endings I have not known

Never free, never willing
Dying
I am only following

The call of something beautiful awoken
Fierce and strong
Loving it will leave me broken

All this time I'll walk
Towards endings
That have forever waited

This whole poem is too abstract. There is no punctuaion and grammar is important in poetry (I suck with the grammar myself). Words like alone especially as a whole line are just abstract and meaningless to a degree. We don't know who the narrator is and the poem is written in the first person. To be honest you simply don't have much here but a bunch of abstractions, these vague words that don't refer to anything visible don't communicate much. Don't get discouraged you can improve most people are not born great poets good poets study poetry and grow. Thanks for posting.

Appreciate the input! Personally I like abstract writing and what I tried to achieve with this poem was to paint a view about the inevitability of life and unfulfilled dreams, the reader can fill in the blanks, the point as I see it with these kind of poems is 'merely' to evoke an emotional response.

It's difficult to write an abstract poem that doesn't sound vague pseudo poetry though and I apologize for my shortcomings there.

[milo]

All this time I've walked "all this time" is too general and weak wording
Alone I would recommend not capitalizing each line
Towards endings I have not known not exactly a new sentiment, no child of man shall know the time or day of his demise and all

Never free, never willing It just occurred to me that I would like some kind of puntuation. also, if your narrator is doing this walking under some kind of subjugation, it would be nice to have that expanded on.
Dying quick piece of trivia: what is the #1 cause of death? - - - birth!
I am only following

The call of something beautiful awoken without any kind of sentence structure or puntuation and with all caps, the inversion comes across tortured
Fierce and strong
Loving it will leave me broken this strong, fierce awoke thing that is going to break you , wouldn't it be nice to know what it is?

All this time I'll walk
Towards endings
That have forever waited all, /what/ time? It is a short poem, maybe 5 minutes?

The structure and syntax are too tortured. The subject itself is pretty common in poetry so you really need to approach it in a new and interesting way. In its current form, this is just too vague to be even remotely interesting.

Thanks for posting.

Good luck.

milo