'Aroint thee, witch!' (edit 1).

[cidermaid]

Now with sound.... well possibly ......


I've tried to smooth out some of the bumps and and give a bit of attention to the metre of this. If I can work out how the hell to get it from my kindle to the site, i have done an audio as part of my new improved editing process (thanks Milo). I would specifically like some help with punctuation and metre on this one. I have read it out and then listened back and tried to put the punctuation right ...but I'm not so great at this ...so if anyone has the will power I would appreciate some feedback in relation to the audio read / text read comparisions. (I want to improve my reading ear if this makes sense )

'Aroint thee, witch!' the rump-fed ronyon cries.

The slothful dole fed indolence of plebeian ire stirs,
striking out at “Her!” One they never knew. She served
from her own reserves, flint faced to bribed requests.
Shiftless chisellers who don’t and won’t work, mire her rest.

She, forced back the gauche demons of destruction, curbing
crazed union demarcations and nationalised shifts of sleep.
'One out all out' sheep, dole led to a steel striptease. Unperturbed,
the corpses lay unburied, piled up like garbage in the streets.

Britannia held hostage by bailed out skivers on tax payer time,
Downing beer and sandwiches like tools. Blackouts on the fourth day,
of the three day week, illuminated by a lightening strike, strong-armed
by a flying picket, ably armed with clubs. Fuelled by a sympathy vote.

The foam flecked lefty knows none of this, with his plagiarist
cut n paste Grauniad* blog …they weren’t born. They list
with tedious predictability, vacuous, pre-programmed, PC hate.
Spouting cute one-liners they never bother to investigate.

A pox on those who sowed corruption and wrecked our industries.
Their red vomit stained the souls of work men’s feet, side
swiping them into closed shops and end stopped ease. In-grafted
pustules – bourgeoning boils of Nationalisation, needful of lancing.

In an earlier age, old judge Jefferies took those usurpers with intent
and sent them off on a one way trip. No lesser coup d’état
demanded by men sat and camped out; unlit lamps of malcontent.
Ballot-less they were stripped, undermined by a policed coup-de-graz.

The options? A socialist slide into Trotsky's arms, that well
known evil empire! …Or, amputation and cauterisation
to save the remains of a once great nation. Two trees dwelling
under one sky. A red wood and an iron banded oak of determination.

A new feed of millennium pinko’s and “I need” snivellers are rising.
Claiming, not charity but entitlement to breath and breed.
Compulsory giving squeezed from the “I so deserve” tube. Gift aid
with menaces; a constant drip fed, blood let into bleeding heart liberals .
.
Agape’s charm is lost to both. No gift for those who think an easy life is owed
by right, as opposed to owned through work. These dues un-thanked;
the hated worker serves the state six months before their freedom day.
meanwhile, hard luck drips from plump cushioned lips.

St Paul was right "don't work don't eat" - No lack of tough love in real love.
We’ve misplaced Norman’s bike. It, lies sad and crushed in Brighton rubble.
Now much needed, as unfettered Blairite brats, squander taxes yet unborn.
The scourge of un-earnt greed is let loose; short sold along with the gold.

Always on the make, the penniless, political student hack, discipled in gold top
greed, from low fat skimming they spread their whey. Spinning special
words, of the finest cut and craft, they ask: Ask…what can my country do for me?
A well oiled one point seven million speech, about nothing, to no one in particular.

For Sarah and Gordy; together forever, for free, off shore – how sweet!
We know those un-taxed speaking fees will hardly meet their simple beach life
retreat. What hope to find prudence in the mile, if honesty is out of style?

So down the greasy pole we go from Speaker’s chair to benefit cheat.
One spirit at work in them all - avarice for wealth and stolen ease.
If ignorance is bliss then socialists are all a happy lot.



Original post

There have been quite a few voices representing the political left, but not so many speaking for the right..so I thought i would take up the challenge. Here is a voice well to the right of Genghis khan



'Aroint thee, witch!' the rump-fed ronyon cries.

The dole fed indolence of the plebeian slothful ire stirs,
striking out at “Her!” One they never knew, who served
from her own reserves and did not serve mammon’s gain.
Shiftless chisellers who don’t and won’t work mire her rest.

She, forced back the gauche demons of destruction, curbing
crazed union demarcations and nationalised shifts of sleep.
'One out all out' sheep, dole led to a steel striptease. Unperturbed,
the corpses lay unburied, piled up like garbage in the streets.

Britannia held hostage by bailed out skivers on tax payer time,
Downing beer and sandwiches like tools. Blackouts on the fourth day,
of the three day week, illuminated by a lightening strike, strong-armed
by a flying picket, ably armed with clubs. Fuelled by a sympathy vote.

The foam flecked lefty knows none of this, with his plagiarist
cut n paste Grauniad* blog – they weren’t born. They list
with tedious predictability, their vacuous, pre-programmed, PC hate.
Spouting cute one liners they have never bothered to investigate.

A pox on those that sowed corruption and wrecked our industries.
Their red vomit stained the souls of workingmen’s feet, side
swiping them into closed shops and end stopped ease. In-grafted
pustules – bourgeoning boils of Nationalisation that could not be lanced.

In an earlier age, old judge Jefferies took those who arose with an intent
to overthrow and sent them off on a one way package deal. A coup d’etat
demanded by men sat and camped out, with unlit lamps of malcontent.
Ballot-less they were stripped and undermined by a policed coup-de-graz.

The options? A socialist slide into Trotsky's arms , that well
known panacea of equality! …or, amputation and cauterisation
to save the remains of a once great nation. Two trees dwelling
under one sky. A red wood and an iron banded oak of determination.

A new breed of post-sixties pinkies and “I need” snivellers are creeping
in, claiming not charity, but entitlement, to breath and breed.
Compulsory giving squeezed from the “I so deserve” tube. Gift aid
with menaces; a constant blood letting for red hearted, liberalisation .
.
On both sides agape’s charm is lost. It is no gift to one who thinks that easy
life is owed by right, as opposed to owned through work. These dues
un-thanked; the hated worker serves the state six months per annum
before their freedom day, whilst hard luck drips from plump cushioned lips.

St Paul was right "don't work don't eat" - No lack of tough love in real love.
We’ve misplaced Norman’s bike. It lies sad and crushed in Brighton rubble.
Now much needed as unfettered Blairite brats waste money from taxes, as yet unborn.
The scourge of un-earnt greed is let loose; short sold with the gold.

The penniless political student hack is on the make. Greed birthed at the top
exampled down to the lowest grade grain fit for the mill. Spinning their special
words of the finest cut and craft, they ask, Ask…what can my country do for me?
A well oiled one point seven million speech about nothing, to no one in particular.

So down the greasy pole we go, together, forever for free, off shore for Sarah
and Gordy – how sweet! We know those un-taxed speaking fees will hardly meet
their simple beach life retreat. So, what hope to find prudence in the mile, if honesty
is out of style. The same spirit works in them all, for stolen ease not earned.

If ignorance is bliss then socialists are all a happy lot.




* The Guardian a UK national newspaper (Of renowned for typos – nicknamed Grauniad).

[billy]

hi aj. this needs a few more reads, a lot more reads in fact. it takes me back to the miners strikes. (i'm an anti thatcherite by calling ) i like how you make her godlike with a capped H a good rant that many liberals would hate

Downing beer and sandwiches like tools.

sticks out as a stronger image than most would think. more often as not, a lot of the union decisions were made in the local pubs at lunch time or as stated, during the work shift. i think changing it bar a piece of punctuation; which is beyond my ken, would take too much away from it. on that basis i'll leave my crit as it stands and come back for a few more reads.

thank for posting it.

[serge gurkski]

I like Grauniad and Blairite. The rest ist lost on blessed me. But it reads impressive.

[Magpie]

Hi AJ,
This is brilliant, very sharp and clever and like Billy said needs a lot more reads.
As one of the proletariat I shouldn't be seen to be giving any praise but I can't help do so.
The alliteration in the 1st stanza is excellent especially shiftless chisellers which like many other phrases in here has cleverly more than one meaning. Such as "dole led to a steel striptease" very clever, and this "illuminated by a lightening strike" which took me till the fourth read before it finally sunk in, brilliant.
There's so many other things in here and I don't really want to give a critique, because I don't want to spoil my enjoyment of the poem.
Some of it I'm just getting now as I write this like "pre-programmed, PC hate"
It is as much of an education on British politics and culture as it is a poem and I do feel as though I should come back with a reply to try and tip the balance back towards the left, but after seeing the competition, I'll give it a miss.
Thanks for the read, I'll be reading this a few more times yet.

[cidermaid]

Hi Billy, AR & Serge,
Thanks for taking the time to read this and offer some thoughts.
I don't think I've ever had so many compliments in one poem before.
I'm sure it won't be long before someone comes along and bursts my bubble....meanwhile excuse me whilst i go off try a spot of basking.

[billy]

i was remiss ><

most poems can be edited for the better.
a consistent meter would help yours, as would the removal of some excess words like the 2nd the of the 1st line.

that said. the poem was good for me and the things i mentioned are really nits. the backbone of the poems rant shows the apathy, felt through labour years of the unions and scroungers as seen through a Thatcherite's eyes

[cidermaid]

Edit 1 at top of page with original.
I've tried to smooth out some of the bumps and and give a bit of attention to the metre of this. If I can work out how the heck to get it from my kindle to the site, I have done an audio as part of my new improved editing process Cool (thanks Milo for the nudge to get into doing audios for editing). I would specifically like some help with punctuation and metre on this one. I have read it out and then listened back and tried to put the punctuation right ...but I'm not so great at this ...so if anyone has the time I would appreciate some feedback in relation to the audio read / text read comparisions. (I want to improve my reading ear )

[cidermaid]

At last... but sadly long since of any interest, I have persevered anyway and finally managed to post up an audio for this poem.
(See top of thread). Apart from hating the sound of my own voice... (I used to be thin with a sexy Worcestershire voice - now I'm a Devon dumpling ), I wanted to try and develop a new editing tool skill, so any comments or advice about reading techniques or the actual flow of the poem would be appreciated.

(This poem was prob not the best as a starter to be working on in this way...was done more for fun than serious poetic endeavour! and never actually got much workshopping done beyond one edit, so still reads very bumpy i think. This is a request not so much about the poem as such, more about how to use audio for editing purposes)

[tectak]

Hi Billy, AR & Serge,
Thanks for taking the time to read this and offer some thoughts.
I don't think I've ever had so many compliments in one poem before.
I'm sure it won't be long before someone comes along and bursts my bubble....meanwhile excuse me whilst i go off try a spot of basking.

Not me,
Best
tectak
Off stage left.Pop

[cidermaid]

Thanks for popping in tectak,
If we are exiting left, keep a look out for the bear.

[Brownlie]

If I worked in a sweat shop in India to support Walmart I would benefit from unions so my labor would not be exploited. The indolent rich would probably have to sacrifice to achieve the ideals of socialism. You are in danger of an impotent rant here. No evidence is really provided. Maybe develop a clear narrative that backs up your theories. Remember ad hominem attacks are vacant arguments. Lightening as an arm is a cool comparison. Too much allusion in my opinion.

[cidermaid]

If I worked in a sweat shop in India to support Walmart I would benefit from unions so my labor would not be exploited. The indolent rich would probably have to sacrifice to achieve the ideals of socialism. You are in danger of an impotent rant here. No evidence is really provided. Maybe develop a clear narrative that backs up your theories. Remember ad hominem attacks are vacant arguments. Lightening as an arm is a cool comparison. Too much allusion in my opinion.

Not sure that the political history of the Uk during the 80's can really be described as an allusion...The main point of the poem is to rant against those who would protest over things they do not know about - such as did they live through the winter of discontent? Do they remember not being able to bury granny because the council workers who staffed the crems had come out in sympathy for some other union?
The poem is largely in support of the worker and the workers rights, which by and large where trampled underfoot by the bully boys of the unions who ignored the workers rights and ballot votes and paid thugs to come and hold the line against any who would defy them. I could offer a line by line demonstration of all of the 80's news reports and historical references that I trolled through to put the poem together, but I get the impression it would be a pointless exercise. I offer some notes for St 1 as a taster on the intro. If you are not familiar with the well documented history and news accounts of the Lightening strikes, three day week, power cuts and flying pickets that dominated the papers and the TV during the 80's in the UK, then perhaps you need to change your crit to say I have written an ageist poem.

I do not really see the point of your comparison to the economic situation in India and the exploitation of workers there, with what was going on in the Uk in the 80's. (Although the workers in India have my every sympathy for the individual - their situation is the same old story to what happened the poor workers who lived throught the industrial revolution in the Uk. The option has all too frequently been:- starve in the country or move to the city jobs. It is facile to suggest that the Indian workers are individually supporting walmart - that is a comment typical of an overly socialistic ideal, that bears no relation to local or world economics, who is always searching for the most extreme case that they can then shout about as the justification for some sweeping statements about human rights. Generally the individuals are doing the work to support their families which in sad truth they can achieve a far higher standard of living than they can back at their home village or town grubbing around on scrap heaps or scratching a living on impoverished land.


St1
L1. Dole fed - A ref to roman empire. Free bread (dole) was handed out the plebeians....the lowest class and generally considered as scum. (From the old axiom bread & circuses to keep the plebs quiet...and this (bread and entertainment) was expected as a right - if not forthcoming there were riots). This term then came into common use during / after WWII when "doling out" was coined to describe charitable gifts and goods.
L2. The news feeds of the protests about Margret Thatcher's funeral included TV coverage of large groups of individuals who were too young to have remembered those years (I.e. under 25's)...yet there they were spitting out bile on national TV. (Openly admitting they did not work when interviewed as if this was a badge of merit -hence the use of the term shiftless chiseller in the last line ).
L3 Margret Thatcher was the last PM who privately funded her political aims, before she came to power. She was known as the iron lady, amongst the things she was renowned for that had earn her this title - refusing all bribes and backhanders was one of her well known stances. (Unlike the politicians that followed her - and yes I do include all parties in this denunciation. Although I think the Blair family must take the first prize in this; it was widely reported that during his first term alone he deposited some £30 million into various trust funds and off shore accounts and now reputedly earns over 80 million per yr in profits from the dozen or so front companies he has set up. Perhaps the Brown's should be in a close second for selling off the nation's gold reserves to protect the financial interests of his chum)

[milo]

Well, you know I hate rhetoric, so I have refrained from commenting on the poem itself. That being said, there is enough interesting wording to justify it as a worthy read (I won't go into the this's and the thats as, like I said, I am not good with rhetoric).

The reading.
I found you had an excellent pace and breath control and very good pronunciation. I would have preferred your intonation to match the passion of the subject matter in this particular case (certainly not in all a cases) but I would have liked to hear some righteous indignation come through, more anger, maybe a little snottiness. Just me. Overall, enjoyed.

[billy]

the edit makes the poem better (stronger)
the voice is excellent. the intonation as milo said could be more in keeping with the mood of the time. but that said, you have a clear voice and you didn't cock up the read

i agree that walmart and india have little in common with the 80's in the uk. and i doubt india will ever come as close to socialism as scargill's boys did. the read definitely capture a moment in time i lived through. admittedly i was on the side of the minors and teachers and industry, but you get your thoughts across. the kids at the funeral will never make the sacrifice those in industrial 80's had to and no pm will ever be as strong as maggie was.

if you do any more vocal poetry, please put it in miscellaneous

i enjoyed it and i'll listen to it again.

[Brownlie]

I was born in 1991 so I am obviously too young to have lived through the 80s. I have also never been to Europe and am ignorant in regards to much of the history of the region. My reading was cursory and I apologize for hasty criticism. However, I believe big corporations outsource to circumvent labor laws. I do not blame poor workers for being forced to work menial jobs. in my opinion there is a connection with outsourcing giants and the workers who have to produce for them. My knowledge is from theory and education, but I believe it may still be valid. Any ideal or political theory can become corrupt and susceptibility to corruption is, in my opinion, a valid critique of a political idea. This does not, however, discredit the ideal as it exists as an ideal. My definition of socialism is probably drastically different than what I can successfully communicate here. Did not mean to steal your thunder ciber. I have veered off topic I apologize.